The weather in March was lovely. Now we have entered April the weather has turned for the worse. Hail, thunder and torrential rain coupled with colder than average temperatures can mean only one thing. Yes, it’s Car Boot season once again. Ah yes you can almost smell the hotdogs and burgers from the comfort of your own room. Never has there been more fun from being crammed into a tiny field at 7am on a Sunday morning than by going to a booty.

A perfect site for sore retro eyes - there be bargains to be had out there !

So here are a few tips to keep you on your guard during the next few months :

1. Always take a small bag or rucksack with you. I made this mistake many times believing that it was either too late in the season to get any bargains or there won’t be any booters around because it was holiday season. Never underestimate what might be there.
2. Park as close as you can to the car boot as is possible. Nothing hurts more than carrying round a boxed Nintendo Gamecube Donkey Konga set, as I experienced 3 years ago. You can’t always park close but if you do make a large purchase like that don’t man up and think that because you only have a few rows to go it won’t hurt. It does.
3. Get there early. I know some of these things start at stupid o’clock but even arriving an hour after the boot starts means you are likely to have missed something. These places are full of traders and specialists who will be there when Dawn cracks. If you want the best stuff, get there early.
4. Get in early. Almost the same as above. Don’t leave something to chance as in “I’ll come back later”. If it is something you want, buy it there and then. It won’t be there later.
5. Use your own judgement. If you think you are paying too much for something then say so. It’s always best to barter, after all that is what car booting is all about. In most cases the seller will have added a couple of quid to the asking price so if you knock them down they are still getting a good deal. I should take my own advice sometimes – I tend to consider the price and think if it’s fair I’ll pay it. If it’s too much I’ll walk away rather than haggle.
6. Watch out for traders. You’ll know who they are. These are the ones who have priced high and won’t move on it because then you will be eating into their profit margin. Occasionally you can get a good deal if you buy a few things but on most occasions if it is priced highly it is priced to sell and not to be knocked down.
7. Check the condition. This is particularly with disc based games. No one is going to shout at you if you want to look at the state of a disc. If they do, then they have something to hide. Always check the contents of the box too because you might not be getting what you think you are buying, but then again I have had the odd bonus find with an extra disc inside.
8. Be sensible. Nothing pisses people off more at a car boot than someone being aggressive when it comes to haggling on prices. It’ll get you short shrift and leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth. Bite your tongue if someone is being a wanker and move on, don’t get involved and start anything. It will only end in tears. Some of these places are very well marshalled and some I have been to have police officers close at hand.

There are also a couple of tips if you fancy parting with any of your collection :

1. Be realistic with your pricing. Not everyone goes to a booty with £100 in their pocket so just consider this if you think marking up your dusty PS2 with a few FIFA and WWE games at £25 is going to attract many buyers. It won’t and you’ll end up taking it back home. If you want to make that sort of profit then shove it on eBay. Go to a booty, price sensibly so you make a few quid and enjoy it.
2. Beware the trader. We’ve touched on these guys before and they will become very persistent in wanting your stuff before it goes on sale. As soon as you arrive they’ll be hovering round your car, peeking inside and asking questions. You can either do two things – give in or sit inside and wait until they have gone. They’ll want your stuff and will pay only a fraction what you want for it, and you will guarantee walking around afterwards they’ll be selling it on their stall – at a much higher price than you sold it to them. Hold your ground and be strong.
3. Be kind. If someone is trying to rip you off – and this applies to selling as well – just a few kind words and send them on their way. The last thing you want to do is get into a scrap at a booty. If they try and knock down your prices, go with it and drop if you can. If you can’t, say so and be honest. If they get all aggressive about it, just be polite. Don’t let people bully you either – after all unless you are trading or selling for charity you have your own limits set and if they don’t agree with them that is their problem.
4. Do your research. It’s always best to try a few boot fairs as a buyer and see how busy they are. Do some internet searches as well and see if you can find popular sites. The last thing you should do is join a gaming forum and ask people where good ones are. Chances are most retro gamers won’t reveal where they go for fear of an influx of buyers. There is, most definitely, a difference between standing in a field and making a decent wad and standing in a field and making 12 sales all day, believe me I had the latter happen because I didn’t do my research. A good source of information is the local free paper as there always a few adverts about upcoming and long running events

So there you go. This is not a definitive list by any standards, nor should it be taken as gospel. This is simply me passing on my experiences to you. The best advice of all, buying or selling, is to simply go and have a good day and pick up some great bargains or make a few quid.

Now get out there and grab a bargain before they are all gone.....or I get there first

What can be done to prevent the fire sale that sparked the collapse of the GAME group ?

So what has GAME got to do going forward. From the suggestion box these spurt forth like a spurting thing :

• Shutting so many stores was necessary to reduce costs. You cannot continue having 2-3 shops of the same name within yards of each other competing and chasing the same quid. Hopefully now the lesson has been learnt and they should focus on 1 store maximum in any town centre.
• The pricing policy needs looking at immediately. One of the big criticisms of GAME stores was the huge variance in some of the pricing, especially with the second hand stock. Having preowned games on sale for more than brand new copies smacks of laziness. They also need to look hard at the quantities of preowned games they take in, rather than simply take games for the sake of it
• Perhaps the biggest suggestion of all is this : learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is given a second chance like this. Screw it up this time and it really will be GAME over.
• Assess the competition. The pricing strategies of HMV should be lesson enough to ensure that you don’t follow their path. CEX specialise in mainly second hand stuff. The supermarkets will always have the power to offer better deals but most gamers would rather go to a game specialist. Set out your own stall and be unique, but not unique enough to alienate customers.
• Finally there will be many who would have happily seen GAME go to the wall. The suppliers pulling out before administration was viewed in some quarters as “turnabout being fair play” Mend those bridges and be less like the old GAME.

What do I know ? Well not much but I do know we still have a specialist game retailer on the high street who Mum and Dad and Nan can go to on birthdays and Christmas and get the Call of Duty game you wanted rather than the Call of Juarez game you had never heard of.

Its happened to us all which is why we need specialist stores around to prevent it from happening

Embrace change and take the second chance. From the ashes a phoenix can rise but it is entirely within your own destiny. Screw it up this time and no tears will be shed.

NOTE : Since I wrote this article back on 2^nd April, it has been well documented on various forums that GAME have not learnt a thing. Game prices for pre-owned items are back up to ludicrous levels, so much so that you can buy brand new copies at other stores for anything up to £10 less than GAME are selling second hand.

People are now trading back to GAME all the titles they got in the “spring clean / fire sale” a few weeks ago. Gamers are boasting how they have been able to make £30+ in some cases by trading back to GAME what they previously tried to get rid of.

Finally, probably the worst example has been items being put on the shelves with damaged boxes or missing instructions – what would be classed as seconds – and put on sale for quick removal. One store was reported selling these games at higher prices than the pre-owned stock they already had.

Perhaps, after all this, they do deserve to go to the wall after all…………..

Oh no, not again......

As birthdays come and go, every now and then one of them is a milestone. Be it 16, 18, 21, the dreaded 40 and the even more dreaded 65 – only one stands above them all. That is the Big One and RetroBear joins in the centenary celebrations of Retro Gamer Magazine…..

Happy 100 Retro Gamer !

Usually I shun birthdays as I have no wish to be reminded just how old I am getting and how young I actually used to be. However there is one birthday I shall be raising a crafty glass to this week and that is the milestone reached by Retro Gamer magazine – it’s sparkling, glittering 100^th issue. 8 long years in the making and the publication is still going from strength to strength, packing loads of pages with lots of articles about the games from the past.

When it started in 2004 there would have been much trepidation as to how successful a magazine could be, especially with the subject matter being in the past. There must have been a demand for it, but given how collectable retro gaming has become in the last 2-3 years there can be no doubt that as us gamers who remember all the old games get older we wish to be reminded of just how much fun computer games were back in the day.

The very first issue of Retro Gamer - which is being reprinted and available as a free gift with Issue 100

So how can a modern publication, now published monthly as opposed to quarterly and surviving the collapse of their original publisher in 2005, find articles to fill their pages with. Well it’s quite simple really. There is a news section, a calendar featuring key dates in gaming history, a look back at 2 months in retro history, game reviews, players guides, arcade reviews for those gamers who restore old cabinets. There are also future classics featuring games which will be retro in the future, the compulsory letters page, interviews with programmers, games designers and retro gaming figureheads and reviews of new games, as well as retro reissues.

If you throw all that together, as well as a series of articles looking in depth at how retro consoles came about, you get an idea of the wealth of information that is out there. Many of those previously in the computer and video game industry have stepped forward to be interviewed and talk about their experiences back in the day. The sheer passion they still have comes out in interviews and articles. They must be surprised as anyone at just how their comments and insights are lapped up by gamers, both old and new.

I have been a subscriber for nearly 3 years after picking up my first issue back in the summer of 2008. While I haven’t necessarily been interested in all of the articles and can certainly claim to have gone back and read some of the ones I skipped just because I wanted something to read, a huge proportion of the magazine is of great interest to me and a fabulous read. In the day and age of blogs and websites such as these, one must bow down and accept that Retro Gamer magazine is the bible for gamers from all works of life.

Issue 53 - ah yes the delights of Track and Field, or as it is more commonly know, Sore Wrists and Broken Joysticks

For someone brought up on the likes of Zzap64, C&VG and Amiga Format, Retro Gamer has been the first publication for a very long time I have wanted to read again and again and again.

Gentlemen, RetroSection proudly salutes you and toasts you to 100 more fabulous issues.

Here;s to another 100 !

To close the February Free For All – which in all honesty has been a bit of a disaster content wise but Bear with me because the Mega Drive is up next and I absolutely love that machine – I thought it best to close out with another patented RetroSection list. They are easy to do and don’t require too much taxing of the old brain cells. I can feel the writer’s block gradually lifting and personally cannot wait to get my teeth into the mass of Mega Drive games that await me.

This game is like the February Free For All - a bit of a disaster.....

So join me as we bid farewell to February and welcome the much warmer, brighter and altogether more appreciated March with some more retro musings…..

WHY CAN’T I GET ON WITH……

STREET FIGHTER II – Hailed as one of the best beat em up games ever, and hailed by me as a button mashing nightmare of a game. I for one cannot and will not see the appeal of this side-on fighting game. I resent having to know all the button combinations beyond kick and punch. Too may of my formative years were spent being pulverised by people who knew what they were doing. Nothing was guaranteed to piss me off more than another night playing Street Fighter II on the SNES. Just for the record I tried to play it the other night…..and still couldn’t do any more than punch or kick.

SUPER MARIO KART – It might seem like this is turning into a hatred for all things Nintendo but I can assure you it isn’t. No matter what version of Mario Kart it is, I simply cannot think of anything worse – well maybe a night in playing Street Fighter II. If it wasn’t for the total unfairness of it all, I might like it. My friends have always agreed that there is a certain unpredictability about it and friendships have been strained because of it. I will admit a liking for Double Dash on the Gamecube, however, but that version along with Mario Kart 64 are regarded by many as inferior to the original Super Mario Kart – therefore meaning that I only like crappy versions of Mario Kart, which in my opinion is most of them.

WHY DOES THIS NOT EXCITE ME LIKE IT SHOULD…..

THE PLAYSTATION VITA – Seriously I am about as unexcited about this as I am excited to be getting a new motorised polisher for my car. The 3DS died on its arse when it was launched and only now, because of Mario releases, is it beginning to get noticed. Time will tell on the Vita but for me it’s not something I care two jots about.

N64 AND PS1 GAMES – Some of these games look absolutely  horrible now compared to when we first came across them back in the day. Two examples spring to mind – Turok on the N64 and Spiderman on the PS1 (Probably because I have played these two fairly recently). When Turok first came out it was well received but playing it now sees you running round in a foggy atmosphere with not much going on. Ditto for Spiderman which is ruined by some god awful polygonyish graphics at the start of the game. I know it’s meant to be a comic book but some of this is barely playable. Why have games like these aged so badly? Are they now more unplayable than less technically advanced games i.e. Frogger? Pop a PS1 game in your PS3 and you’ll soon find out.

IT’S TIME TO RUMBLE – SOME REASONS WHY SOME THINGS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS (AND OTHER FANBOY ARGUMENTS)

WHO WOULD WIN A FIGHT BETWEEN :

C64 V SPECTRUM V AMSTRAD

The C64 had the most awesome music chip of all time
The Amstrad came with a green screen monitor
The Spectrum was responsible for a whole generation of gamers and coders

RESULT : I like music so the C64 just takes it from the Speccy

MEGA DRIVE V SUPER NINTENDO

The Mega Drive came in black whilst the SNES was sort of beigy cream
Sonic AND Mario – two killer games and practically inseparable
The SNES had Mode 7 tucked away to give some fairly impressive 3D stuff
The Mega Drive was the console which revolutionised home gaming and had at least a 12 month head start on the SNES

RESULT : Close to call but I’d have Sega’s black beast winning by a nose

AMIGA V ATARI ST

The Amiga, while occasionally suffering from lazy porting of games from the ST, was superior in graphics, sound and capabilities
The ST was crap

RESULT : Duh…...

GAMEBOY V GAME GEAR V LYNX

Although the Game Boy was monochrome it actually made the portable gaming market its own – and came packaged with Tetris
The Game Gear ate batteries and was the size of a small house
The Lynx did exactly the same as the Game Gear, and didn’t even have a TV Tuner

RESULT : Are you mad ? Game Boy by a distance

PS1 V SEGA SATURN V N64

Sony showed that you could make games using CD’s that were pretty good
The Saturn suffered because it was too late to market, causing irreparable damage to Sega
The N64 was hampered by being cartridge only which came in those silly cardboard boxes. Some games needed you to invest in an expansion pack because the cartridge was bigger in memory terms than a stock N64 could handle

RESULT : No looking beyond the PS1 on this one. The N64 comes a close second though.

DREAMCAST V PS2 V XBOX V GAMECUBE

The Gamecube and the Dreamcast could not play DVD’s
The XBOX was made by Microsoft, which in turn wasn’t all that bad a thing as people made out at the time
The PS2 was first to market, took hold of it and never let go – they were still making games for it in 2011 – and it outlasted all it’s rivals
The Gamecube never took off after a lacklustre launch
The Dreamcast never took off because Sega were last to market and despite making a damn fine machine, had no takers
The XBOX was made by Microsoft which turned out not to be as good a thing as people made out at the time

RESULT : PS2 takes it with the rest fighting amongst themselves for second place.

The following reasons are why Mario is better than Sonic, and why Sonic is better than Mario – at least, for arguments sake, that will give you something to mull over until next time :

It's the battle to end all battles, the rage in the cage, the rumble in the jungle - but who comes out on top ?

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : He collects coins, thus ensuring a wealthy journey through his adventures. Sonic collects rings, which unless they are made of a particularly valuable metal, mean that they are worthless.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He gets there quicker. Seriously if you were hanging around waiting for Mario to show up then you would be waiting a very long time. I am surprised the Princess never died of old age. There is an art to arriving early and with Sonic’s speed he will always be there on time.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He wears the coolest looking training shoes. Mario wears dungarees which weren’t even fashionable in 1985 when Super Mario Bros arrived on the NES. Mario also has one of those dodgy 1970’s porn film moustaches which, being a plumber, means he may have a second career on the side we don’t know about

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : When he opens his mouth he sounds like he looks i.e. A stereotypical Italian. When Sonic opens his trap he sounds like a 7 year old boy, and has done so for many years. It might be a nice idea to have Sonic’s vocal chords be a little more masculine in future

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : The spin off games involving Mario and his supporting cast – Mario Golf, Mario Tennis, Mario Kart and Mario Party – are considerably better than Sonic’s – Sonic Spinball, Sega Superstar Tennis, Sega All Star Racing and Sonic Shuffle.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : His animated TV series didn’t have a couple of second rate actors pretending to be Mario and Luigi in some poorly scripted inserts before the low quality animation kicked in.

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : Mario games make Nintendo consoles. Super Mario Bros was given away with the NES, whilst the third game in that series is one of the greatest games of all time. Super Mario World, again, was bundled with a special version of the SNES. Mario 64 launched the N64. Super Mario Galaxy is going to be a future classic on the Wii and the new Super Mario World 3D is going to shift a lot of handhelds. Sonic no longer has a console to call his own and despite games like Sonic R on the Saturn and Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast being rather good, both those systems died a death.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He is just so much cooler than Mario. He’s the sort of character who you want to hang out with. Mario isn’t all that appealing and to be honest when all your best friends come from some fantasy world you have to keep visiting then you can’t be all that popular in the first place.

The battles shall of course rage on and the arguments shall continue, but one thing is assured : Mario & Sonic are probably the two most identifiable characters in video game history and shall forever be associated with it. In some ways that’s a pretty damn good thing…….

So we come to P, then Q, R, S and T. If it gets any more like Sesame Street I will have to change my name to Count Retro Bear. Well maybe not, although any similarity between a Muppet and myself are purely coincidental…….

3 ! 3DS ! Ha ha ha.....

P IS FOR :

PENGUINS : Pengo was one of the first arcade games I can remember. Pushing blocks of ice around a screen might not seem like very sophisticated stuff but the arcade machine in my local chip shop introduced me to gaming in a big way. Since then penguins have gone on to be the mascot for Linux, as well as appearing in many other games ; Attack of The Mutant Penguins, Penguin Adventure, Amazing Penguin, Club Penguin and even the bloody Penguins From Madagascar. Proof enough that slapping a penguin in something means it’s going to sell. The same cannot be said for any games based around sloths……except for one of the Ice Age games….

PICTIONARY : Picture this. It is 1990 and with Christmas fast approaching you are faced with a dilemma. Do you fork out £24.99 for the Amiga version of the popular party game where you draw pictures of items for your team or partner to guess, or do you pay less than a couple of quid for some paper and different colour pens ? If you selected the first option, you are quite clearly a buffoon. A pointless licence.

POPEYE : Ancient arcade game which stars everyone’s favourite cartoon sailor who has to rescue Olive Oyl from the clutches of Bluto. You do this by jumping up and down a series of platforms collecting musical notes, hearts and the letters spelling out HELP as quickly as possible. Along the way you can eat cans of spinach and go and give Bluto a good hiding. There are also cameos from other Popeye characters like Wimpey and Sweet Pea. If you can’t stand Popeye the cartoon, and believe me I can’t, you’d be thinking this is a waste of your time. Shame on you then because this is actually a very fun game to play, if a little basic by today’s standards.

Q IS FOR :

QUACKSHOT : If Mickey Mouse had Castle of Illusion then Donald Duck had Quackshot. This was when Disney characters began appearing in good games that weren’t shameless cash-ins. Casting Donald as an intrepid adventurer in a platform style game was a good move. The game looked terrific and played extremely well, proving that you could throw a pretty tired idea into the mix and come out with something rather good.

R IS FOR :

RENEGADE : A series spawning three games must have had some impact back in the day and there is no doubt the 1980’s were very much the time of the vigilante after revenge. Of course each entry in the series had it’s own appeal ; the first game had you attempting to rescue your girlfriend, the second had you avenging your brother’s death and the third had you again going after your girlfriend, except this time she had been captured and taken back through time. The last two games in the series were strictly home versions only, as only the first game was an arcade conversion. The third game is also one of the worst pieces of software ever to grace a computer.

REPTON : The BBC wasn’t known for it’s killer games or wondrous arcade conversions. It was more associated with educational software and the fact that a lot of Britain’s schools had their IT departments filled with them. That doesn’t mean one can discount some of the pieces of software that have appeared on that machine. One of the best examples is Repton, which is not a clone of Boulderdash as is commonly misconstrued. The game is very similar, casting a lizard man in the main role who has to collect gems and diamonds from underground caves. OK so it does sound very similar, but there was more of a puzzle solving element to Repton and this was further emphasised in the number of sequels that followed the game. Fondly remembered by the few who had BBC Micros, because their parents wanted an educational machine.

S IS FOR :

SAMANTHA FOX STRIP POKER : Let’s put it this way – if you are a young man discovering the joys of life, at a certain age and for a few quid you can buy a game licensed around the hottest Page 3 girl of her time, what would YOU do ? Forget the fact you can’t play poker, it’s a computer game AND there are badly pixalated scantily clad women……. nuff said!

SIMPSONS : Everyone’s favourite yellow family have had a rather chequered gaming history. Very few titles using this licence have actually been much good. The original arcade game in 1990 was a great hulking 4 player game which never got converted to the home computers. Early titles like Bart vs The Space Mutants were fun but not really involving. The rash of titles for the Mega Drive and SNES – Bart’s Nightmare, Virtual Bart – were notorious for their crapiness and when finally it does seem like the developers hit on a good idea – Simpsons Road Rage – what you are actually playing is a Simpson version of Crazy Taxi. The less said about Simpsons Wrestling, the better.

T IS FOR :

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES : There are a couple of things to remember when it comes to Turtles games. Firstly, the platform game that was released on every single format is rubbish. The arcade original is totally awesome, if you never played the 4 player version then you really missed out. The home conversions varied from amazing to you-must-be-joking. The Turtles in Time games on the Mega Drive and SNES were different from each other but still ruled, while fight fans enjoyed the Tournament Fighters game. All in all a much better gaming history than the Simpsons.

THEME PARK : If you have ever fancied creating and owning your own theme park then this was the game for you. Create your own rides, set prices, build concession stands and in the 16 bit version even go on your own rides. This was the game which helped spawn titles like Theme Hospital and Jurassic Park : Operation Genesis. If you have the time to put in then these are the games for you and tend to be more easy to get into than God simulator games like Populous.

UP NEXT : U, V, W, X, Y and Z.

George Lucas gets one of these every time someone brings out new technology so he can carry on butchering all the Star Wars films

JET SET RADIO (2000, SEGA – FOR SEGA DREAMCAST)

Youths out of control + spray paint + roller skates = a pretty damn good game

The streets of the little known city Tokyo-To are getting tough. Gangs of rowdy teenagers roam the streets wearing the most garish of clothes. They all must be art students in their everyday life, as they like to “tag” the city with their own graffiti. This is all done to the accompaniment of some rather loud and barely legible hip hop music. Along the way you’ll end up having to battle rival gangs by erasing their graffiti if they stray on your turf. You may end up in a trick-off, where you will try to outdo each other with high risk tricks on your roller skates. Reading all that you may be grateful for the police turning up……and they do, eventually.

Speak of the devils - if it isn't the old bill as predicted.....

When I first played this on it’s initial release I was struck with how cool the game appeared, how different it looked, the graphic style is particularly distinctive and looks amazing, how great the music was and just how different it was to anything I had ever played before. 12 years on and I still have some of the same opinions. The game is one of the best looking ever, and the gameplay is great. The controls are simple and not too hard to master. Unfortunately I am also 12 years older than I was back in 2000 and as such I felt rather old now playing this game. It also is painfully obvious that the music is nothing more than a lot of noise, but that’s me just being old.

I am sadly no longer as "down with the kids" as I used to be but this is a mightily impressive game today - the visuals and sounds especiially

Jet Set Radio is a great game to play and thoroughly recommended. However, if you are getting on a bit, this may make you feel a lot older than you think you are (or appear to be). Now then, where’s my cocoa and slippers…………?

XENOPHOBE (1990, ATARI – FOR ATARI LYNX)

That's one scary box cover, and one peed off looking alien

Looking all the world like an unofficial game based on the Alien film franchise, you take the role of a selection of engineers who are attempting to rescue a stricken spaceship. The captain has already told you it is full of deadly, acid based Xenos who have killed all on board. It is down to your team to take down all the Xenos, clear the ship and restore sanity. You’ll encounter levels with a number of different floors to clear as well as the ability to collect extra weapons, money, fluids and codes for the computer, which can allow you to self-destruct the ship.

I must be honest - I don't fancy her chances much in that fight

Originally an arcade release in 1988, Xenophobe was converted to just about every system going. It’s a pretty fair side scrolling shooter with some nifty graphics for the Lynx. The sound is functional and the gameplay, whilst fairly easy to master, never rises above average. There is just nothing that makes this game stand out. There is plenty of on screen action but it’s one of these games that requires you to clear the level then have to find your way back to the start to escape and move on to the next section. I also found the control method a bit strange, Power ups can be collected by pushing down to pick up, whilst one button is used for firing and one for throwing bombs. However, if one of the Xenos attaches itself to you, the bomb button must be pressed to shake them off and that can sometimes see you throw bombs when you don’t mean to.

Yes that is correct - one of your crew is a duck. After all ducks are well known destroyers of alien invaders. What, you have never heard of Howard ? That's one film George Lucas won't be revisiting any time soon eh George ?

I enjoyed playing Xenophobe, it’s just that after 3 or 4 levels and about 45 minutes of playing time I found myself wanting out. Good fun for a while and a very good conversion, but just not varied or exciting enough to keep you gripped.

See it is possible.............

PAC-LAND (1991, ATARI – FOR ATARI LYNX)

Can Pac Man translate to a mass audience beyond mazes and pill collecting ?

Pac-Man is back and this time he is out of the maze and taking a journey through his own world. His quest is to pop a fairy under his hat and take her through a few levels of side scrolling action. Along the way he will hindered by the ghosts, whom he can still chase by collecting power pellets. Keeping an eye out for cherries and strawberries is essential, as well as new power ups such as a hat with wings so Pac can fly and power shoes to make him go quicker. Once the fairy is returned to her land Pac then must take the journey back home, where will encounter more of the same, before returning home to his family.

You might think the arrow is pointing out the bleeding obvious as in which way to go, but once you reach the end of the level you have to come back from whence you came

Based on both the ancient 1984 Namco arcade game and the ancient and short lived Pac-Man cartoon series of the early1980’s there is no denying that Pac-Land falls into that cute platform category. Bright, colourful graphics and an annoying tune are staples of these sorts of games and Pac-Land does not disappoint. Whilst the game should be applauded for successfully transferring Pac out into a different format, and it works quite well, it’s all a bit simple, lacking any real challenge and for 1991’s standards a pretty dated effort.

The ghosts pop up in all manner of transportation - cars, pogo sticks and here on some sort of alien hovercraft thing

Very much one for Pac-Man fans, it’s good for a short period of time but this is one game that will not keep you coming back again for extended play.

BUST A MOVE 4 (2000, ACCLAIM – FOR SEGA DREAMCAST)

It doesn't look much from the box but inside is a veritable bubble box of delights for all ages and abilities

Yet another sequel to the best selling bubble bursting game, Bust A Move 4 at least this time tries to be a little different. You can now take part in a Story mode, which will reward you with tarot cards after each successful stage. Challenge mode sees you being judged for speed and success with more points awarded for how quickly you can complete levels. The aim of the game is to clear the screen of all the coloured bubbles, using your arrow attached to a machine. It’s like Tetris in a way but with bubbles. Oh and the two dinosaurs, Bub and Bob from Bubble Bobble (try saying that 5 times very quickly)

It's colourful, cute and cranium scratchingly good fun

The best puzzle games are the ones which require that extra little bit of thinking whilst at the same time not being too difficult that you end up kicking the cat in frustration. Bust A Move has been a very successful series and whilst this entry doesn’t add a whole lot, it is at least as playable as the other games. The cute Japanese Anime graphics are great, the music is suitably bouncy and it’s a very challenging game. The bottom line would be, is there anything new here that sets this apart from the other games in the series, and that would have to be a resounding no.

As always with games of this genre it's always best to play with a chum.......and revel in kicking their backsides

Bust A Move 4 is a great puzzle game and worth getting if you don’t own any of the others. Sadly, there isn’t enough here to recommend a purchase if you own any of the other games already.

Not quite a box of chocolates, but you still don't know what you are going to get

February is a funny old month – long enough away from Christmas for it to be a fond, fuzzy memory whilst bringing you one step closer to summer. Either way, no matter what the time of year it’s always a time for games. The February Free-For-All means just that ; no set format, no set genre, no limit on games. It’s simply going to be a case of plug in, pick up and play. The whole random nature of this should be rather fun, and it’s going to an entry-a-day too, so plenty to look forward to.

Handhelds at the ready, it’s the Nintendo GameBoy Advance with two games bordering along the lines of the terrific and the turd-like…..

F-ZERO GP LEGEND (2003, GAMEBOY ADVANCE)

Classic futuristic racing series meets anime storytelling - but is it everyone's cup of tea ?

F-Zero had previously thrilled Super Nintendo owners with it’s breakneck speed races in a futuristic environment. It was therefore no surprise when this popped up on the GameBoy Advance, albeit with a a slight twist on the original game. Rather than go for a straight racing game, which you can actually opt for, the makers of the game have added a story mode. This means you can choose from different characters and take them through the racing season whilst taking part in a storyline.

You don't have to play in story mode and can simply jump in and race - which is what I prefer to do

Even with the GBA’s limitations, this moves at one heck of a speed. Graphically it’s pretty impressive with the visuals looking the part. There is also a rather cool soundtrack that bops along in the background alongside the usual and sparse sound effects. It’s a pretty good game, though there are one or two issues. If I play a racing game – that is what I want, and thus the story mode doesn’t really add anything for me. The map in the left hand corner is useful to the point of following where you are going, but you have no idea where the other cars are on the track. The fact you are up against 30 other racers and you hardly see anyone else on the track is a bit mind boggling.

It all boils down to the quality of the racing, and F-Zero GP Legend delivers

Those niggles aside this is a damn good racer and a worthy addition to the series. Whilst not as good as the original, or the GameCube F-Zero GX, GP Legend will appeal and suit all fans of fast and furious racing games.

POP IDOL (2003, GAMEBOY ADVANCE)

Play this game first and if you ever get to meet Simon Cowell then by all means lay into him over how horrible this game actually is

Before X-Factor took over the world we had Pop Idol. I’m no fan of either of these “talent” shows, although there is something sadistically appealing about Simon Cowell being incredibly rude to someone who obviously cannot hold a tune in a bucket. Not wanting to miss a trick, a computer game version of Pop Idol was inevitable – this is it. It follows the format of the show, with preliminary rounds, the final cut and the live shows before the final.

At least some thought has gone into transferring a rhythmn game to a handheld

Making up for the lack of a Singstar-style game, you control your chosen contestants vocals by pressing the A or B button when prompted, turning this into a rhythm game instead. Miss a vocal and your singer will begin to sing off key until you get back in time. At the end of each song the panel will give their verdict and it’s either on the way to the next round or to the nearest bus stop. As you progress, round by round the game quickens up and your reactions need to be quicker. You can also change your costume and hairstyle, if only to satisfy your own vanity.

One would imagine this game would be a lot more fun if there was more to it than that, but there isn’t. It’s sort of Dragon’s Lair for the couch potato generation – press the button at the right time. There is no depth to the game whatsoever. The graphics range from OK to blocky, with your contestant resembling something from Legoland at times. However the biggest aspect for the failure of this game is not just the shallowness of the playability, but the poor quality of the sound. You’d have thought the music would have been a bit special but instead you either get a male or female vocal , depending on your choice of contestant, singing over a backing track of tunes such as Oops I Did It Again, Spinning Around, Living La Vida Loca and rather bizarrely, given that line-up, Suspicious Minds. All of the music, vocals and sampled speech in this game sounds scratchy and distorted as hell. Sure, it is funny when the singer goes out of tune but that smile gets wiped off your face pretty damn quickly.

This is about as exciting as it gets, which isn't saying much

Summing up, I got to the final on my first go. I didn’t win but I was so bored by that point I didn’t care. Did my choice of Suspicious Minds put the judges off, or was it the red strappy top and mini skirt I chose to wear ? I’m not sure I want to know…….or ever play this pile of poop again.

A quick look ahead to some of the fun things that are planned here for Retrosection in the next 12 months. Of course there will be other bits and pieces but the idea is to have a nice them for each month. Read on for more details….

12 months is a long time in video gaming...........

Each month this year I am going to have a theme each month. It will be devoted to a different console/computer and it’s games. These will as always take a random form of selection but will also allow me to include all my favourites and a few obscure ones as well :

NES JANUARY CLASSIC : Focussing on Nintendo’s grey box of magic, which whilst not my favourite machine of all time, was more or less responsible for kick-starting the video game craze again after the traumas of 1983

FEBRUARY FREE FOR ALL : Completely random games across the board and from all sorts of places and areas. This will be a lot of fun as I shall be going into unknown waters. Where possible I shall try and avoid any of the other machines making up the 11 other months of the year

MEGADRIVE MARCH MADNESS : One of my favourite consoles, the Mega Drive was one of the machines I was lucky enough to own first time around. Plenty of arcade and original classics and I shall really enjoy giving them a whirl

AMIGA APRIL APOCALYPSE : The first proper computer I ever owned and the machine all my mates had when we went to big school. It will at least give me the chance to dig Kick Off 2 out again – and maybe Sensible Soccer though that is a BIG maybe…..

MASTER SYSTEM MAY MAYHEM : I prefer the Master System over the NES for reasons I cannot actually explain. It will be interesting to see by the end of this if that is very much still the case

N64 JUNE JAMBOREE : My second favourite console of all time. From the moment I first played Goldeneye I was in love with the machine and for me it is the best console Nintendo have ever produced

DREAMCAST JULY JUBILEE : A very underrated console which suffered from release delays and a market which by that point had lost it’s trust in Sega following the launch disaster that was the Saturn. This though for me is probably my favourite Sega console of all

PS1 AUGUST ARMAGEDDON : Some of the games have aged terribly but you cannot deny that the PS1 was something of a phenomenon when it launched. It gave us a new player in the games market and a little grey wonder with some fabulous games

XBOX SEPTEMBER SMASH-UP : Like the Dreamcast, I have always felt the XBOX was underrated and under-appreciated. Yes it weighed a tonne and cost a bomb but it had massive potential. Give me this over the 360 any day

GAMECUBE OCTOBER O.M.G. : You can argue all you want but I class the Cube, XBOX and PS2 as retro simply because I do. The Cube suffered from a lack of decent launch titles and no DVD facility so gamers stayed away and picked up PS2s and XBOXs instead. Its a shame because as we shall find out there were some awesome titles for it

SUPER NINTENDO SUPER NOVEMBER : I had a lot of exposure to the SNES growing up so it does have a fond place in my heart. Most of those involved being pummelled on Street Fighter II but not all the memories were as bad as that

PS2 DECEMBER DEMOLITION : To finish with, arguably the greatest console of them all ? Well we shall see but with a massive back catalogue which is still being added to a trip through some PS2 awesomeness is most definitely called for.