The weather in March was lovely. Now we have entered April the weather has turned for the worse. Hail, thunder and torrential rain coupled with colder than average temperatures can mean only one thing. Yes, it’s Car Boot season once again. Ah yes you can almost smell the hotdogs and burgers from the comfort of your own room. Never has there been more fun from being crammed into a tiny field at 7am on a Sunday morning than by going to a booty.

A perfect site for sore retro eyes - there be bargains to be had out there !

So here are a few tips to keep you on your guard during the next few months :

1. Always take a small bag or rucksack with you. I made this mistake many times believing that it was either too late in the season to get any bargains or there won’t be any booters around because it was holiday season. Never underestimate what might be there.
2. Park as close as you can to the car boot as is possible. Nothing hurts more than carrying round a boxed Nintendo Gamecube Donkey Konga set, as I experienced 3 years ago. You can’t always park close but if you do make a large purchase like that don’t man up and think that because you only have a few rows to go it won’t hurt. It does.
3. Get there early. I know some of these things start at stupid o’clock but even arriving an hour after the boot starts means you are likely to have missed something. These places are full of traders and specialists who will be there when Dawn cracks. If you want the best stuff, get there early.
4. Get in early. Almost the same as above. Don’t leave something to chance as in “I’ll come back later”. If it is something you want, buy it there and then. It won’t be there later.
5. Use your own judgement. If you think you are paying too much for something then say so. It’s always best to barter, after all that is what car booting is all about. In most cases the seller will have added a couple of quid to the asking price so if you knock them down they are still getting a good deal. I should take my own advice sometimes – I tend to consider the price and think if it’s fair I’ll pay it. If it’s too much I’ll walk away rather than haggle.
6. Watch out for traders. You’ll know who they are. These are the ones who have priced high and won’t move on it because then you will be eating into their profit margin. Occasionally you can get a good deal if you buy a few things but on most occasions if it is priced highly it is priced to sell and not to be knocked down.
7. Check the condition. This is particularly with disc based games. No one is going to shout at you if you want to look at the state of a disc. If they do, then they have something to hide. Always check the contents of the box too because you might not be getting what you think you are buying, but then again I have had the odd bonus find with an extra disc inside.
8. Be sensible. Nothing pisses people off more at a car boot than someone being aggressive when it comes to haggling on prices. It’ll get you short shrift and leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth. Bite your tongue if someone is being a wanker and move on, don’t get involved and start anything. It will only end in tears. Some of these places are very well marshalled and some I have been to have police officers close at hand.

There are also a couple of tips if you fancy parting with any of your collection :

1. Be realistic with your pricing. Not everyone goes to a booty with £100 in their pocket so just consider this if you think marking up your dusty PS2 with a few FIFA and WWE games at £25 is going to attract many buyers. It won’t and you’ll end up taking it back home. If you want to make that sort of profit then shove it on eBay. Go to a booty, price sensibly so you make a few quid and enjoy it.
2. Beware the trader. We’ve touched on these guys before and they will become very persistent in wanting your stuff before it goes on sale. As soon as you arrive they’ll be hovering round your car, peeking inside and asking questions. You can either do two things – give in or sit inside and wait until they have gone. They’ll want your stuff and will pay only a fraction what you want for it, and you will guarantee walking around afterwards they’ll be selling it on their stall – at a much higher price than you sold it to them. Hold your ground and be strong.
3. Be kind. If someone is trying to rip you off – and this applies to selling as well – just a few kind words and send them on their way. The last thing you want to do is get into a scrap at a booty. If they try and knock down your prices, go with it and drop if you can. If you can’t, say so and be honest. If they get all aggressive about it, just be polite. Don’t let people bully you either – after all unless you are trading or selling for charity you have your own limits set and if they don’t agree with them that is their problem.
4. Do your research. It’s always best to try a few boot fairs as a buyer and see how busy they are. Do some internet searches as well and see if you can find popular sites. The last thing you should do is join a gaming forum and ask people where good ones are. Chances are most retro gamers won’t reveal where they go for fear of an influx of buyers. There is, most definitely, a difference between standing in a field and making a decent wad and standing in a field and making 12 sales all day, believe me I had the latter happen because I didn’t do my research. A good source of information is the local free paper as there always a few adverts about upcoming and long running events

So there you go. This is not a definitive list by any standards, nor should it be taken as gospel. This is simply me passing on my experiences to you. The best advice of all, buying or selling, is to simply go and have a good day and pick up some great bargains or make a few quid.

Now get out there and grab a bargain before they are all gone.....or I get there first

To close the February Free For All – which in all honesty has been a bit of a disaster content wise but Bear with me because the Mega Drive is up next and I absolutely love that machine – I thought it best to close out with another patented RetroSection list. They are easy to do and don’t require too much taxing of the old brain cells. I can feel the writer’s block gradually lifting and personally cannot wait to get my teeth into the mass of Mega Drive games that await me.

This game is like the February Free For All - a bit of a disaster.....

So join me as we bid farewell to February and welcome the much warmer, brighter and altogether more appreciated March with some more retro musings…..

WHY CAN’T I GET ON WITH……

STREET FIGHTER II – Hailed as one of the best beat em up games ever, and hailed by me as a button mashing nightmare of a game. I for one cannot and will not see the appeal of this side-on fighting game. I resent having to know all the button combinations beyond kick and punch. Too may of my formative years were spent being pulverised by people who knew what they were doing. Nothing was guaranteed to piss me off more than another night playing Street Fighter II on the SNES. Just for the record I tried to play it the other night…..and still couldn’t do any more than punch or kick.

SUPER MARIO KART – It might seem like this is turning into a hatred for all things Nintendo but I can assure you it isn’t. No matter what version of Mario Kart it is, I simply cannot think of anything worse – well maybe a night in playing Street Fighter II. If it wasn’t for the total unfairness of it all, I might like it. My friends have always agreed that there is a certain unpredictability about it and friendships have been strained because of it. I will admit a liking for Double Dash on the Gamecube, however, but that version along with Mario Kart 64 are regarded by many as inferior to the original Super Mario Kart – therefore meaning that I only like crappy versions of Mario Kart, which in my opinion is most of them.

WHY DOES THIS NOT EXCITE ME LIKE IT SHOULD…..

THE PLAYSTATION VITA – Seriously I am about as unexcited about this as I am excited to be getting a new motorised polisher for my car. The 3DS died on its arse when it was launched and only now, because of Mario releases, is it beginning to get noticed. Time will tell on the Vita but for me it’s not something I care two jots about.

N64 AND PS1 GAMES – Some of these games look absolutely  horrible now compared to when we first came across them back in the day. Two examples spring to mind – Turok on the N64 and Spiderman on the PS1 (Probably because I have played these two fairly recently). When Turok first came out it was well received but playing it now sees you running round in a foggy atmosphere with not much going on. Ditto for Spiderman which is ruined by some god awful polygonyish graphics at the start of the game. I know it’s meant to be a comic book but some of this is barely playable. Why have games like these aged so badly? Are they now more unplayable than less technically advanced games i.e. Frogger? Pop a PS1 game in your PS3 and you’ll soon find out.

IT’S TIME TO RUMBLE – SOME REASONS WHY SOME THINGS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS (AND OTHER FANBOY ARGUMENTS)

WHO WOULD WIN A FIGHT BETWEEN :

C64 V SPECTRUM V AMSTRAD

The C64 had the most awesome music chip of all time
The Amstrad came with a green screen monitor
The Spectrum was responsible for a whole generation of gamers and coders

RESULT : I like music so the C64 just takes it from the Speccy

MEGA DRIVE V SUPER NINTENDO

The Mega Drive came in black whilst the SNES was sort of beigy cream
Sonic AND Mario – two killer games and practically inseparable
The SNES had Mode 7 tucked away to give some fairly impressive 3D stuff
The Mega Drive was the console which revolutionised home gaming and had at least a 12 month head start on the SNES

RESULT : Close to call but I’d have Sega’s black beast winning by a nose

AMIGA V ATARI ST

The Amiga, while occasionally suffering from lazy porting of games from the ST, was superior in graphics, sound and capabilities
The ST was crap

RESULT : Duh…...

GAMEBOY V GAME GEAR V LYNX

Although the Game Boy was monochrome it actually made the portable gaming market its own – and came packaged with Tetris
The Game Gear ate batteries and was the size of a small house
The Lynx did exactly the same as the Game Gear, and didn’t even have a TV Tuner

RESULT : Are you mad ? Game Boy by a distance

PS1 V SEGA SATURN V N64

Sony showed that you could make games using CD’s that were pretty good
The Saturn suffered because it was too late to market, causing irreparable damage to Sega
The N64 was hampered by being cartridge only which came in those silly cardboard boxes. Some games needed you to invest in an expansion pack because the cartridge was bigger in memory terms than a stock N64 could handle

RESULT : No looking beyond the PS1 on this one. The N64 comes a close second though.

DREAMCAST V PS2 V XBOX V GAMECUBE

The Gamecube and the Dreamcast could not play DVD’s
The XBOX was made by Microsoft, which in turn wasn’t all that bad a thing as people made out at the time
The PS2 was first to market, took hold of it and never let go – they were still making games for it in 2011 – and it outlasted all it’s rivals
The Gamecube never took off after a lacklustre launch
The Dreamcast never took off because Sega were last to market and despite making a damn fine machine, had no takers
The XBOX was made by Microsoft which turned out not to be as good a thing as people made out at the time

RESULT : PS2 takes it with the rest fighting amongst themselves for second place.

The following reasons are why Mario is better than Sonic, and why Sonic is better than Mario – at least, for arguments sake, that will give you something to mull over until next time :

It's the battle to end all battles, the rage in the cage, the rumble in the jungle - but who comes out on top ?

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : He collects coins, thus ensuring a wealthy journey through his adventures. Sonic collects rings, which unless they are made of a particularly valuable metal, mean that they are worthless.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He gets there quicker. Seriously if you were hanging around waiting for Mario to show up then you would be waiting a very long time. I am surprised the Princess never died of old age. There is an art to arriving early and with Sonic’s speed he will always be there on time.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He wears the coolest looking training shoes. Mario wears dungarees which weren’t even fashionable in 1985 when Super Mario Bros arrived on the NES. Mario also has one of those dodgy 1970’s porn film moustaches which, being a plumber, means he may have a second career on the side we don’t know about

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : When he opens his mouth he sounds like he looks i.e. A stereotypical Italian. When Sonic opens his trap he sounds like a 7 year old boy, and has done so for many years. It might be a nice idea to have Sonic’s vocal chords be a little more masculine in future

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : The spin off games involving Mario and his supporting cast – Mario Golf, Mario Tennis, Mario Kart and Mario Party – are considerably better than Sonic’s – Sonic Spinball, Sega Superstar Tennis, Sega All Star Racing and Sonic Shuffle.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : His animated TV series didn’t have a couple of second rate actors pretending to be Mario and Luigi in some poorly scripted inserts before the low quality animation kicked in.

MARIO IS BETTER THAN SONIC because : Mario games make Nintendo consoles. Super Mario Bros was given away with the NES, whilst the third game in that series is one of the greatest games of all time. Super Mario World, again, was bundled with a special version of the SNES. Mario 64 launched the N64. Super Mario Galaxy is going to be a future classic on the Wii and the new Super Mario World 3D is going to shift a lot of handhelds. Sonic no longer has a console to call his own and despite games like Sonic R on the Saturn and Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast being rather good, both those systems died a death.

SONIC IS BETTER THAN MARIO because : He is just so much cooler than Mario. He’s the sort of character who you want to hang out with. Mario isn’t all that appealing and to be honest when all your best friends come from some fantasy world you have to keep visiting then you can’t be all that popular in the first place.

The battles shall of course rage on and the arguments shall continue, but one thing is assured : Mario & Sonic are probably the two most identifiable characters in video game history and shall forever be associated with it. In some ways that’s a pretty damn good thing…….

OK so this is it. The final instalment of my Retro A-Z 2012 edition. It’s been a fun traverse back through some of the weird and wonderful titles and games of yesteryear, and hopefully I’ll have the chance to revisit this again next year. So it’s on with the show as we go U through to Z…..

U IS FOR :

UMBRELLA CORPORATION : The fictional pharmaceutical organisation that brings about the outbreak of T-Virus that leads us into the very first Resident Evil game. If it wasn’t for them, shooting zombies and all manners of warped creatures would not be possible. Nor would we have some of the most wooden voice acting in games history. Funny how the link between Umbrella and Rhianna gives us something truly stomach churning that only our worst imaginations could conjure up…..

V IS FOR :

VIXEN : Truly horrendous platform game from the late 1980’s with the one saving grace being the scantily clad woman on the box and the free poster inside. Further proof that sex sells and the focal point of interest was far better than the mundane offering the game provided.

VIGILANTE : See the entry for Renegade and you pretty much have the spiel for this average beat em up. This game did come with the rather bizarre storyline of having you rescue Madonna – yes THE Madonna of Like A Virgin fame – from a gang of hoodlums. The game implies your girlfriend is actually called Madonna but, seeing as this was the 80’s, it is far too much of a coincidence to be true. Anyway the game was a bit meh and got lost in the glut of rescuing kidnapped girlfriend games so it doesn’t matter all that much.

W IS FOR :

WALUIGI : Possibly the best result of “long night at the office” syndrome. The brain trust must have been absent for this one, as creating Wario to rival Mario made sense. Creating an evil Luigi however must rank as one of the most pointless ideas ever. It’s not as if Luigi is that appealing a character in the first place – after all he’s just Mario’s stupider brother. It would have made more sense putting Crap in front of Luigi and might have been closer to the mark.

WACKY RACES : I have been lucky (or unlucky) enough to have have played 2 versions of games based on the popular 1960’s cartoon series. The first was a platformer on the NES which had you playing as Muttley and had about as much to do with Wacky Races as not at all. The other game was on the PS1 which was more based around the racing side of things but was so easy it didn’t offer the gamer much of a challenge. There have been other versions on the Dreamcast, PS2, Wii and Nintendo DS, proving at least there is life in the series. Perhaps one day we will see a definitive version……

WARLORDS : Classic Atari 2600 which had you and 3 other Warlords (computer controlled or played with your mates) battling in an arena. The idea is to deflect the ball around the arena damaging your opponent’s walls until they are exposed. Then the fun begins as you can catch the ball by holding down the fire button and aim for them. Keep playing till Last Man Stands and you can claim the title of Warlord. A timeless classic which must be played in it’s original format to truly appreciate how cool this game is.

X IS FOR :

XENON 2 : Vastly overrated shoot em up which at the time boasted 3 things that made everyone rave about it. Firstly, the graphics which looked fantastically amazing. Secondly, the music using the sampled track from Bomb The Bass’ hit Megablast. Thirdly, the sheer size of the weaponry on display – it was meaty, huge and downright ludicrous. So perhaps the biggest issue with Xenon 2 came with the speed – for a shooter it’s just too damn slow, and the bigger your weapons and add-ons get, the slower you move. In some cases you can’t actually get through certain sections with too much bolted on. Great for the time but blast fans now will find it hard to get on with.

Y IS FOR :

YOSHI : Dinosaurs are not meant to be cute. Yoshi is. Yoshi rules and for me he is the most appealing character in the Mario games, which makes me wonder why Nintendo have never made more of him.

YARS REVENGE : Another quality Atari 2600 title which sees you take control of a giant, insect type creature who has to nibble away at the fortress of a giant Apollo spacecraft-type alien. You have to do so whilst being tracked by a homing missile which you can take refuge from inside a neutral zone. Once you have nibbled a hole big enough you can fire your missile through it, hopefully hitting and destroying the alien craft. Simple enough, this is one of the best examples of why the Atari 2600 was so successful and the quality of games which were produced within the hardware limitations. Yet, once again, when someone tried to update it to the current generation of consoles the game was lacking in gameplay and hampered by the decision not to stick with original side on view.

Z IS FOR :

ZX SPECTRUM : Putting it as simply as I can, if it wasn’t for the success of this machine then we would not be where we are today. The Speccy is as revered as it is ridiculed, but you cannot ignore the impact it had on consumers. We should all give thanks to Sir Clive on a daily basis for this wondrous hobby that we have. Sir, my hat is doffed in your general direction for your vision, your brilliance and your belief in the home computer.

Not for the C5 though, I have no idea what you were smoking when you came up with that…………..

NB – What happened here is one of those instances where you lose a week. I have no idea where it went nor do I know what happened. Therefore the next post will actually commence with my diary entry for 20^th February 2012.

I’d like to make one thing clear about this retro alphabet thing – by no means at all is this a definitive list. There are going to be omissions, this list is simply a start ; a sort of launchpad if you will. It is something I want to add to as time goes on and yes it will eventually see names like Mario, Sonic and Zelda in there. However if you are a regular RetroSection-ite you will know that we prefer to look at some of the more obscure as opposed to the mass marketed.

Prey continue……..

It does help to be a little different

F IS FOR :

FROGGER : Static but vertical jumping game where the aim is to help a family of frogs cross a dangerous road, then a dangerous river. Often imitated but never bettered, Frogger is one of the most recognisable and copied games of the early days of video games. Yet whilst characters such as Pac-Man and Mario are constantly reinvented, when the Frogger character strays from the norm it’s a disaster. Anyone remember the PS2 3D adventure ? Hmmm me neither…

FLASHBACK : Having the distinction of being both French and weird, this beautiful looking game has you cast as Conrad who must rediscover his memory after waking up in a jungle and eventually will end in deep space. The game looks gorgeous with wonderful roto-scoped character movement, the gameplay is fluid and the whole experience is one where jaws drop constantly. It blew 16 bit owners away in the 1990’s and is still a revered game today.

G IS FOR :

GAUNTLET : Top down dungeon adventure where taking the role of a barbarian, wizard, valkyrie (when they were still called valkyrie and not Xena) or a dwarf, you had to negotiate your way through many levels of treasure hunting, exit finding and don’t-shoot-the-food-ing of medieval magic. Gauntlet started life as a gargantuan 4 player arcade game and was successfully converted to just about every console and computer. Famous for it’s sampled speech (“Red warrior needs food…badly”, “I know I know I can’t find any……argggh you shot the food you imbecile….”), it spawned a version with extra levels and a sequel, and was the sort of game, when playing with your mates, that could divide friendships. Just don’t shoot the food.

GOLF : There have been many variations of the golf game to grace computers over the years. In the early days you would mostly spend time wacking a pixel around a screen made up of mostly green, blue or yellow colours. Thankfully when Leaderboard came along it redefined the genre and golf games would never be so crappy again. Nintendo thought it best to put Mario in their NES games, and there he stayed through many variations over the years. After Leaderboard came the PGA series, which incorporated a grid system for putting so you could see all the contours and slopes. That series would wind up being the Tiger Woods games we know today. For slightly less serious golf types, check out either the Everybody’s Golf games or Outlaw Golf – the latter being one of the most frustrating golf games I have ever played whilst at the same time one of the most hilarious.

H IS FOR :

HORACE : A retro based alphabet wouldn’t be the same is we hadn’t included Horace. Created in 1982 and starring in his own series of games, the Horace games were nothing more than a series of copy/rip offs of popular titles : Horace Goes Skiing (Frogger), Hungry Horace (Pac-Man) and Horace & The Spiders (elements of Pitfall, Smurf and Space Panic). You cannot deny though just how successful these games were and therefore cementing Horace’s place in the Retro Hall Of Fame.

HYPER SPORTS : Responsible for providing a generation of children with wrists well beyond their actual age, this is the game that if you looked up joystick waggler in the dictionary then you would find a picture of Hyper Sports. Track & Field set the bar but when this was converted to all the home micros, joystick sales went through the roof. You had your own methods of course to get the best grip – place the joystick on the table, hold it in the air and waggle it etc – but whichever way you did it, you’d end up knackered. So Hyper Sports – Joystick waggling heaven or arthritis inducing pain. You decide…….

I IS FOR :

IMAGINE SOFTWARE : Set up in 1982, Imagine were well know for their flash image and sailing close to the wind before financially collapsing two years later. If it wasn’t for Imagine then it is likely the image of the computer programmer and games designer would have still remained some beardy, nerdy type rather than young, cool people in Ferraris. That’s the image they had, so when it all went wrong Ocean Software stepped in, bought the group and used the Imagine name on games such as Hyper Sports, Green Beret and Arkanoid, amongst others. When Imagine was sold, former programmers set up Psygnosis and Denton Designs, where such classic games as Shadow Of The Beast, Wipeout and Frankie Goes To Hollywood ended up being created.

J IS FOR :

JOUST : Not many games feature a flying ostrich – in fact I think this is the only one. Created in 1982 and released into arcades, this had you defeating evil knights riding buzzards set in space. It was just that sort of game. It makes you wonder what sort of things people smoked back in the day and purely for it’s great playability and quirky concept, Joust is an early arcade favourite that is still fondly remembered.

JET SET WILLY : One of the most iconic characters in video game history returns after the success of Manic Miner. Whether you loved the game, hated the game or if it reduced you to a gibbering wreck it makes no difference at all. This is one game that people can recall at the drop of a hat when you mention early Spectrum games.

UP NEXT : K to O

The best way to deal with writer’s block – which, as some of you may have noticed, is why there hasn’t been an update for a week – is to get some sort of list going that will stimulate the writing juices. It’s either that or finally give in and play some well known games for a change as opposed to the obscure ones. Argh No! So join me now as we go through the Retro Alphabet with as many glaring omissions as there are inclusions, I am sure :

Says it all really....

A IS FOR:

ARKANOID : Breakout update from the 1980’s. Not simply bat and ball, as collecting power ups will allow you to have an extra ball on screen or develop lasers. Set in space this is a worthy update to an arcade classic, and also spawned a sequel

ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD : The player of some of the worst games known to man is a worthy entry in the Retro Alphabet. If you can get beyond some of the more tasteless gags, swearing and use of bodily functions, James Rolfe has done a lot for bringing video games reviewing, albeit angrily, into the new millennium. He’s even making a film about the Nerd.

ATARI : Once great, video games giant that introduced the world to the wooden wonder of the 2600. Did Atari single handedly bring about the Games Crash of 1983, or were they merely one of the casualties ? How time treats them is another matter but they were never quite the same again, as neither the colour handheld Lynx or the hard to program for Jaguar made any impression on gamers in the 1990’s. More likely now remembered for arcade classics like Star Wars and STUN Runner.

B IS FOR :

BANJO : The musical bear from the Banjo games from Rare for the N64 in the late 1990’s. Always accompanied by a bird in a rucksack and attempting to defeat the evil witch, Gruntilda Winkybunion (Grunty to her friends), the Banjo games were raved over back in the day. They still provide an excellent challenge and with Rare’s usual high quality graphics, sounds and gameplay these games have turned into classics. However Banjo’s comeback on the Xbox 360 last year was not quite as well received.

BABIES : You might be surprised to see this entry but there are at least 4 Babies that spring to mind : Baby Mario and Baby Luigi (perhaps Nintendo were running out of ideas of how to milk more money from gamers – and this was before WaLuigi), the giant baby in Zombies Ate My Neighbours (if there is one thing that is scary it’s a giant baby) and Jack The Nipper (who terrorised 8 bit owners back in the 1980’s).

BACK TO THE FUTURE : You’d have thought a great film franchise would spawn great games, but that’s where you would be wrong. The first film saw an atrocious NES version that had nothing to do with the film and whilst the C64/Spectrum/Amstrad game went for a different approach, getting George McFly to spend as much time as possible with Lorraine, they couldn’t pull it off. The second film saw yet another hopeless attempt on the 8 bit and 16 bit computers, splitting the game into sub games that, although relevant to the film, suffered from poor controls. For NES owners both the second and third films were lumped into the same game which again bore little resemblance to the original films. The final part of the trilogy was another sub game bonanza for home micros and the Mega Drive – some good, the shooting range, and some bad, the opening level which is about as hard and unfair as first levels get. Definitely a missed opportunity all round.

C IS FOR :

CAPCOM – Legendary Japanese game developer and publisher responsible for the following retro gaming greats : Devil May Cry, Ghosts N Goblins, Ghouls N Ghosts, Street Fighter, Mega Man, Bionic Commando, Final Fight and Resident Evil amongst others. You don’t need to say any more about them than that.

CENTIPEDE : 1980 arcade game that did for small insects what Space Invaders did for green men from outer space. Gun down the centipede as it moves it’s way through the garden. It moves incredibly quickly and you’ll have to be quick to keep up. Shooting it in the wrong place means it will split into two, making this one fast and furious shooter. One of the best vertical shooters of it’s kind and an undisputed classic to this day.

D IS FOR :

DOOM : It’s probably fair to say that the rise of games like Doom and Castle Wolfenstein led us to the current blitz of first person shooters that dominate the market to this day. Looking back now, these original games look incredibly dated, what with their blocky graphics, duff sound and a lack of impact they had back in the day. That doesn’t mean that Doom is any less playable – because it still is. This is probably the best of the 3 games that was released in the series and quite a challenge, but just don’t expect to be blown away like we were in the 1990’s.

E IS FOR :

EDDIE EDWARDS SUPER SKI : A British sporting hero of the 1980’s, if only for his lack of ability. Clearly a case of licensing gone to someone’s head. It’s debatable whether the developers had a skiing game ready to go and just need someone to front it. As skiing games go, it’s not bad but then there isn’t really that much to compare it with. Certainly one of the more curious games one has come across.

ELITE SYSTEMS : Games developer of the 1980’s where they had most of their success. They were responsible for converting a lot of arcade greats back in the day, some of which were better than others ; Buggy Boy, Bomb Jack, Commando, Ghosts N Goblins, Ikari Warriors, Paperboy and Space Harrier. They have also dabbled in the ever growing mobile games market in recent years. It is always good to see a name from the past taking on the technology of today.

END : After battling through many levels, suffering many heartaches and needless deaths along the way, my mate Jim finally completed Shinobi on the Master System which to this day he states is the hardest game he has ever played. After finally finishing the game he was greeted with the following message on screen – GAME OVER. Then the game reset itself. Needless to say he wasn’t a happy chappy, thus this must be a candidate for the world’s worst game ending ????

Coming next – F to I…….

As the cold weather begins to creep in, what better way to warm your hands than on a veritable raging fire of hot NES games. This is the final part of the NES January Classic 2012 and there are still one or two surprises for Retrobear to unearth…..

Even if your old consoles don't work you can always adapt them into something more useful instead

And now the end is near, and we reach, the final few-games-of-the-NES-January-classic. The observant amongst you will notice that once again I have failed to go for the more obvious titles – those being anything with Mario and Zelda in the title, Metroid, Castlevania etc. That is purely because rather than play games that people have played over and over again and been reviewed to shit by literally everyone running their own site and blog, I just want to be a little different.

That’s not to say I won’t play and review them in the future though………….maybe.

SNOOPY’S SILLY SPORTS SPECTACULAR – I love the Peanuts cartoon and think Snoopy is one of the best cartoon characters ever drawn, but this game really is an absolute waste of a licence. There are only 6 sports to choose from – though the events are suitably bonkers such as boot throwing, sack racing and a fight on a canoe – and you only get to compete against Snoopy’s brother Spike. There is no real long term appeal and while the graphics are nicely drawn, there is none of the humour of the cartoon here. The game was remade with Donald Duck for the Japanese market but I doubt that would have made much difference. A very limited game with very limited appeal, and that’s from a Snoopy fan.

THUNDERBIRDS – Another great show I remember from my early days sat in front of the TV on Sunday lunchtimes. Tuned in to the old ATV channel, waiting for University Challenge to finish before Thunderbirds started and then Benson came on. Ah the memories…….anyway enough recollecting. This is a rather disappointing take on the legendary TV series where, rather than turn it into yet another platform tie in, Thunderbirds is turned into a vertical scrolling shoot em up. I’m sorry but I don’t remember too much aerial combat from the TV series. It’s like 1942, 1943, Flying Shark, Xevious etc etc, just with all the regular Thunderbird vehicles in place. It looks the part, sounds OK and the introduction is great, but the game is just lumbered with dull gameplay. It’s also quite hard which, coupled with the boredom setting in, makes for a rather unsatisfactory experience. Thunderbirds are most definitely not Go.

UNTOUCHABLES, THE – I have briefly touched on this game before but it is safe to say it’s one of the more impressive move tie-ins of it’s day. Based on the 1987 film of the same name – and released 4 years later on the NES – you play Elliot Ness doing his best to shut down Al Capone’s various rackets before bringing the man himself to justice. Along the way you take part in 3D street shooting sections – ducking behind a wall and popping out to shoot bad guys in the alleyway windows – and Operation Wolf side scrolling games, gunning down gangsters as you go. It’s a fun, if samey, package that complements the film well. Definitely one to check out.

VOLLEYBALL – Ah yes volleyball. The game with very little following outside of Brazil, China and Cuba – unless we are talking about Beach Volleyball in which case everyone is an expert when it comes to bikini clad women knocking a ball over a net (or tight shorted men for all you female retro gaming fans out there). There aren’t all that many volleyball games out there and this one from 1987 may be one of the best. It does have control issues. You can never tell which players you are controlling due to the random selection method chosen by the computer. It’s all a bit dated looking too and to be honest unless you are a volleyball nut, it’s not going to appeal to you. If you are looking for something different it might be worth a look but you won’t get too much playing time out of this one.

WOLVERINE – Possibly the coolest Super Hero of them all is given the duff treatment in yet another crappy tie in game. Yep it’s our old friend the bog standard platform game, involving inch perfect jumps, enemies shooting from you from off screen, obscure pick ups (for increased health collect hamburgers !) and a total waste of a main character. I personally could not find anything redeeming about this game at all. Yes it does feature other X-Men related characters – boss battles against Magneto and Sabretooth and assistance from Psylocke and Havoc amongst others – but the chances are you’ll be so fed up with this waste of space that you simply won’t care. I know I didn’t and I love comic books.

XEVIOUS – Looking amazingly dated now, Xevious is still a pretty good blast today and was even updated a while back and given the New Gen makeover. It’s not surprising that it looks dated, as the original goes back to 1982 and this release was from 1988. To say it is one of the most famous arcade games in history is doing it an immense injustice. It’s still a very credible blaster today, allowing you to target oncoming enemies with one fire button and bombing ground enemies with the other. If you are clever enough, because of the ship’s ability to move up and down the screen, you might be able to progress through the levels without shooting at anything and just avoiding enemies. Xevious is one of those games that must be played to appreciate how far gaming has come and where it’s roots come from. There are better examples around, but none with the rich history that Xevious has.

YOUNG INDIANA JONES CHRONICLES, THE – Based on the short lived TV series from George Lucas, thanks for that George, this is yet another depressingly awful platform game which borders on the lines of dreadful. Young Indiana looks like a cross between Bret Hart and Michael Jackson. The weapons you pick up – including Indy’s trademark hat, yes a hat is a power up of sorts – are taken away when you get hit by enemies. The bullets from the guns tend to blend into the background. Disposing of enemies on horseback means you get charged by the horse which can’t be killed and, finally, beware of cactuses that look like background objects but aren’t – even though they are placed next to wheels which are background objects. The game might get better as it goes along but frankly I couldn’t care less. Playing this for less than 30 minutes was enough for me and there is no desire to go any further with it. Thanks again George.

ZANAC – Another ancient shoot em up, though this is one that was exclusively for the home market rather than arcades. There are a couple of really impressive things about Zanac. The fact you can shoot your weapons at all angles and not just straight ahead. The waves of enemy attackers are vast, with no visible slowdown on-screen so the whole thing moves at a fair lick. It is simple enough to encourage progression whilst remaining a challenge. Sadly the last two things are what goes against Zanac. The difficulty curve will be too steep for some and the sheer speed and volume of enemies is just overwhelming. Quick reflexes and patience are most definitely required, but Zanac is still a quality shooter for fans of the genre.

Continuing the NES January Classic, under the microscope this time are a couple of original titles, a few arcade conversions and one game that had me laughing like a banshee. So join me as I go up to the letter R…………..

I have always said retro gaming gives you enough excitement to get wood. Here is proof.

JIMMY CONNORS TENNIS – I have never been a fan of tennis and have much preferred to play the game on a computer. Virtua Tennis has always been my preferred choice, but before that came around there were a number of games on the market. This one, using 8 time Grand Slam winner Jimmy Connors as it’s figurehead, isn’t a bad effort and you do get the chance to angle shots, put spin on your shots and smash the ball. A lot of early tennis games weren’t as varied as that which is a good thing. Another good thing is the number of tournaments you can play in, a very good control system and throw in some decent graphics to make a rather good package for a solid, if unspectacular game of computer tennis.

KIRBY ADVENTURE – Another Retro confession coming up ; I have never ever played a Kirby game. Call me unadventurous but there has always been something rather unappealing about a large pink blob and some weird platform related adventure. Boy was I wrong. Within moments of picking up this bizarre but beautiful looking game I was hooked. Its platforming at it most basic, but the way it is done really does make it stand out. Kirby self inflates, he can shoot all manner of pick ups like flame and swords from his mouth and the wacky sub and bonus games are a treat. I cannot recommend this game enough and its a harsh lesson learned not to judge anything by it’s cute package too much. No doubt about it, this is a quality title.

THE LITTLE MERMAID – It’s based on the Disney film/cartoon series of the same name. It scrolls left to right. You actually have to kill fish. I thought all the underwater creatures were friends of Arial ? Oh and some sub-reggae music plays on the soundtrack. It’s about as dull and uninspiring as film tie ins get. File this under YAWN.

MIGHTY BOMB JACK – I have only played the original Bomb Jack on the C64 and that was a number of years ago. Unfortunately that port of the game was one of the worst conversions of the original game, so not a very good example. I preferred playing this version, which was one of the early games for the NES. All you have to do is simply clear the rooms of the bombs whilst avoiding the enemies. However they multiply very quickly, which means stalling or going back for missed bombs makes for a tricky escape. Getting greedy with collecting the coins that provide your defence mechanism means the game sends you to a torture room, with ever increasing enemies. There is no doubt Bomb Jack is a little different and the challenge and difficulty of the game means you’ll come back to it again and again. Undeniably an improvement on the original.

NEW ZEALAND STORY – A game I adored on the Amiga, in fact I think it was one of the first games I had for that machine. I never quite finished it either and would love another crack on it. The C64 version was slower – obviously – and to me not as good, whilst the Master System version was just too twitchy with the controls. So how does the NES version fare ? Well it’s the best version I have played since the Amiga, with the difficulty level set just right. The game, whilst not as colourful as the Master System version, really does look the part with a cracking little rendition of the theme tune too. Its great that such a sterling job was done on this version and one every NES owner must possess.

OPERATION WOLF – The heavy rotation of arcade conversions continues with this offering of Taito’s gun mounted cabinet classic. I couldn’t play this with the light gun, as I only have an LCD TV and you need one of the old CRT models for the gun to work, so had to use the pad. This made everything ten times more difficult and getting 1/3 of the way through level 2 on my first go seemed quite good. Graphically it can’t compete with being anything like the arcade game, whilst it does a fair job, some of the graphics are a little disappointing. It does have that core element of the original – being run and gun – and it does succeed. You really need the light gun to experience this as it was meant to be.

POOYAN – This is a Japanese game that caught my eye. I must be honest I have no idea what is going on but it appears to be something along this lines of this : shoot arrows to stop the wolves. The first section has you preventing them from reaching the bottom of the screen, the second level stopping them getting to the top. You play the role of Mama Pig protecting her children from the clutches of the balloon loving wolves. Yes it doesn’t sound like the best game ever but it’s probably the most fun I have had for a long time playing a game. It’s cute, playable and very addictive. Converted to almost no consoles at all from it’s arcade original (There are versions for the 2600 and C64 according to Wikipedia), this is a gem which should catch your attention if you get the chance to play it.

Q-BERT – Ah yes. I remember this from the Atari 2600 with it’s inverted controls that for a 8 year old are incredibly difficult to comprehend. Nearly 30 years later it is less confusing but still as annoying and frustrating. You press your controller the way you think you want to go, only to see Q-BERT go in entirely the opposite. All you need to do is light up the blocks on the grid whilst avoiding being hit by various nasties lurking on the board. You need quick fingers and even quicker wits and a good measure of patience. Get beyond the frustration and you’ll have a lot of fun. Just get the controls sorted in your head first !

ROLLING THUNDER – Notoriously one of the hardest games to come from the arcade to the home computer, Rolling Thunder is your straightforward left to right scroller. Just keep shooting the enemies, avoid getting hit and keep picking up the extra ammunition and gun upgrades. However like a lot of the games of its time, the difficulty level is ramped up to maximum from the early levels and it will take a lot of skill and patience to proceed. It’s a shame because it is a great example of this genre of game, but doesn’t give the gamer a fair chance.

Join me next time for the final part of the NES January Classic !

Part 2 of the NES January Classic sees 5 more games come under the Retrosection microscope and as always it’s a mixed old bag……

It's not the size of your pad that counts, it's what you do with it that matters

It’s Part 2 of the NES January classic, where 5 more games come under the retro spotlight. The great thing about the NES was at the time you were getting original titles as well as arcade favourites being converted for the home market. We shall see more evidence of that as we proceed, and just for good measure here are those 5 which contain a mixture of the above :

DOUBLE DRAGON II : You cannot deny that the Double Dragon franchise has been hugely successful, if not entirely through the strength of the games. Whilst the arcade originals captured the minds and coins of many a vigilante in the making, the home versions of the original game were something else. Pretty much all the home computer versions – with honourable mention to the particularly awful C64 and 16 bit versions – were awful. The C64 had 2 versions by 2 different developers and they both sucked. Double Dragon II is a different story – literally and gamingly. Whilst it is never going to compete with the original the game at least this time resembles what it is being converted from and you actually get a good game from it. For the side scrolling game of it’s type there isn’t a better example than this, though it has to be said a lot of the competition wasn’t up to much

EXCITEBIKE : Now here is a game that would be great fun if you had a few mates around to play with. As a single player game it lacks any real long term playing appeal, playing only to beat your best times. It’s a cross between Enduro Racer and Kick Start where you have to complete the course as quickly as possible, along the way dealing with big jumps, patches of dirt and the danger of over heating if you go too fast. It’s a fine game in itself but you do really need more players to make a go of it. Fun for a while, but lacking long term gaming appeal if you play it by yourself.

A WEEK OF GARFIELD : This game was only released in Japan. There were issues with the licensing of the cartoon cat in the US and Europe. Whilst that is believable it may actually be because the game is total tosh as to why it was never released on a fuller scale. Horrible controls, really naff visuals (especially considering the source) and a totally useless attack to fend off enemies makes Garfield a truly naff gaming experience. In fact I am struggling to remember a decent game based on Garfield that has ever come out. This is a fine example of how to take a licence and flush it down the khazi.

HOLLYWOOD SQUARES : Based on the quiz where celebrities occupied a large set of boxes designed to resemble a Noughts & Crosses/Tic Tac Toe board, you simply take the place of the contestant trying to win the cash prize and the car. Along the way each celebrity has to answer a question which you can either agree with or pick your own if you think they are wrong. They also give “hilarious” responses to the original questions. If you win the game you get the chance to go for the car – providing the key you pick turns the lock. When this game transferred to the UK it was called Celebrity Squares and didn’t change the format at all. At the end of the day this is a game based on a quiz show and this has it’s limitations i.e. You don’t win any cash or a car. Why anyone would want to have paid £40 back in the day for this is beyond me. Simply played as a curiosity it still can’t be recommended.

IVAN IRONMAN STEWART’S OFF ROAD RACING : This is a more grown up and challenging version of the dusty old arcade classic Super Sprint. Cashing in on the craze of the off road racing circuit,if there was such a thing, you drive through a number of races picking up cash prizes along the way to upgrade your vehicle. Keep winning and you’ll eventually beat the Ironman himself and be crowned King of The Off Road, or something like that. It might not look like much but neither did Super Sprint and that was highly playable. This is the same – great in one player, stupendous when you have a couple of your mates with you. However the one player mode is quite challenging and will keep you occupied for a while. I loved this back in the day and whilst this sort of game has been surpassed since 1989, it still remains a very playable and fun game to spend some time with.

More to come in 7 days time with the third part of the inaugural Retrosection.com NES January Classic.

Roll up, roll up for the very first Retrosection NES January Classic. Well it sounds fun doesn’t it ? Random NES games will be put through their paces (briefly) as RetroBear gives some love to a console he hasn’t had a lot of time for in the past….

A mighty beast and built to last - if it was a cooler colour it would be AWESOME

You know when you have been a bit harsh on something in the past and as a result of that you tend to form an opinion that stays with you forever ? Hmmmm me too. I have always harboured ill feelings towards the NES for some reason. I don’t know why but for some reason it doesn’t give me the same feeling as I get from the SNES, N64, Gamecube and Game Boy. It’s kind of daft really as if it wasn’t for the success of the NES rising from the ashes after the Video Games Crash of 1983, we might not be talking about consoles in quite the same vein and computer games might be something completely different.

Of course that is like saying the world would be no more different if Hitler had won World War II – everyone wearing more brown, lots of marching and people mysteriously accidentally falling out of windows. I digress. The triumph of the NES over time showed to one and all that, yes, it was possible to have a successful video games console and market if everything was done correctly, controlled and monitored. Restoring that faith in the consumer paved the way for where we are now.

So rather than neglect and ignore the NES I thought I’d whizz through a few games and see how much fun I could have. I am taking these totally at random and therefore the games haven’t been selected for any reason other than they were on the list I was going through and I thought “Ooo that might be fun” or “Oh I have heard about that but never really played it”. So here we go – a quick trip through some NES games :

TECMO SUPER BOWL – With the NFL playoffs looming and my brain still in holiday mode following Christmas, I thought I’d plump for this rather than load up a more recent version of Madden. What a refreshing change to play an American Football game where you don’t need to scour through tonnes of play options. You have just 4 choices on offense and defense and the game moves on at a breakneck speed. Its all very simple in terms of presentation, graphics, sound and gameplay but boy was it fun. I returned my opening kick off for a touchdown which had me wearing the biggest smile. Tecmo Super Bowl is well known and, a favourite amongst NFL fans and I urge you to give it a go.

FINAL FANTASY – Now if I could make a New Years Resolution it would probably be to be even nicer to RPG games as well as being nicer to the NES. These sorts of games just simply do not appeal to me. I have no interest in walking round vast areas, talking to passers-by, buying things in shops that might be of use and then get ting into a random turn-based fight with some imps. I played Final Fantasy for about an hour and after finally getting beaten up by some zombies I lost interest. I guess these games need someone with more patience than I have. Still, I have inherited a couple of the later Final Fantasy games on PS2 to play, so my soul may yet be saved. As for now – sorry and all that but these games really leave me feeling a bit “shrugs shoulders” to be honest.

1943 – My obsession with all things 1940’s continues (see my last article for references to L A Noire and trilby hats) as I load up this old arcade favourite. Piloting your biplane against hordes of enemy planes, aircraft, submarines and aircraft carriers, simply keep clearing the skies without getting hit. That’s easier said than done because this series of games from the mid 1980’s were about as hard as they come. Mind you, games like this, where you get a little further each time or know if you were a little bit further to the right next time you might get a bit further on, keep you coming back for more. 1943 is one of those games which will have you pulling your hair out and punching the air with delight in one sitting, if not at the same time.

BALLOON FIGHT – Now this is one fun piece of software. Floating round the screen, pop the balloons of your enemy players whilst avoiding getting yours popped at the same time. Simple. Like 1943 this is one game that will frustrate and delight at the same time. It’s basic to look at but you will honestly lose a lot of time playing this. It comes from an era where the gaming concepts were simpler but where the trickyness was ramped up so you kept coming back for more. Personally I really enjoyed playing it and shall definitely go back for a sneaky play a bit later.

BUCKY O’HARE – Now if you are about the same age as me you will remember this cartoon from your childhood. After all a talking green rabbit defending his planet from an army of evil invading toads, taking place against one of the coolest theme tunes known to man, is going to stay with you. So imagine my absolute disappointment when once again something with a decent premise is turned into a run of the mill platform game – complete with “ice level” which has the slippery platforms. You know the ones that really pee you off because you keep sliding off them. Needless to say I shan’t be going back to this one any time soon. Though the music throughout is all kinds of awesome……

CONTRA – I remember seeing Contra on the NES when I was a lad and being impressed by just what the NES could do and how wonderful it looked compared to my wooden Atari. Truth be told I have never played Contra until now, and my goodness what a beast it is. It’s toughness is legendary and having played it for around an hour and still being unable to get off the first level I admitted defeat. However this is not absolute defeat, oh no. It is until we meet again defeat. Round 2 shall beckon sometime in the near future and I will be successful. Oh yes, it will be mine. Ooops almost forgot – Contra is a great game with colourful graphics, massive sprites and that cool look with lots of explosions and shooting people with ever increasing sizes of weapons.

ADVENTURES IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM – Geez OK, I was intrigued by the title. I didn’t know this was going to be as lame as it was. Walking around the Disney Theme Park looking for keys is not the best premise for a game. All you need to have with you is a good knowledge of Disney films as you will be constantly asked questions about them. The idea is to collect the keys, go to each various amusement, engage Mickey Mouse in conversation, partake in some sub games etc. I must admit I got bored after the first task, and there does appear to be a lot more to it as you have to take part in levels where zombies are trying to kill you. Wow are you sure this is a Disney game and not a kids games aimed at kids for kids made by big kids working for the biggest kid of them all ?

You might have gathered from the above that I seemed at some point to have started at A and was going to work my way through. Well done if you spotted that. If you didn’t spot that, well done as well and I am glad you weren’t fooled by that attempt to put you off the scent (coughs). I’ll post the next batch of games shortly……..

Making toast has never been such fun