Apart from establishing that the Amiga was far superior to the Atari ST, if you were still playing 8-bit computer games that the Amiga was the way to go and providing an albeit expensive alternative to the fledgling console market, what else have we learned about the Amiga during the merry month of April ?

Well the variety of titles were there. There were plenty of groundbreakers too – Another World, Flashback, Kick Off, Sensible Soccer and Populous to name but a few. The fact that all of these ended up on consoles goes to show the quality of the games and their enduring appeal which very much catered to all markets. The best thing though is that, unlike the PC at the time, the Amiga was very much at it’s best whether it was used for programming, educational uses or games. The PC simply couldn’t hold a candle at this time if you wanted to play games software.

Love At First Sight

So, with a last hoorah we wave farewell to the Amiga with much sadness in the heart, but look forward to May where the Sega Master System steps into the limelight…..

TEAM SUZUKI – It’s probably fair to say that fans of motorbikes were given a pretty shoddy treatment when it came to computer games. The one you’ll all think of is Road Rash, but that had beat em up elements and wasn’t a straight bike game. So Team Suzuki was a rather nice surprise when it rode into view. Using vector graphics, allowing you the choice of mouse or joystick control, the ability to change the view of your rider and the ever popular replay mode were all included and made for a very nice package indeed. The controls take a bit of mastering especially with the mouse, but everything else is done pretty well. By far and away the best bike game at the time, though connoisseurs of more arcadey fare like Hang On will probably do best steering clear.

ULTIMATE SOCCER MANAGER – Being a fan of Premier Manager, which incorporated the Kick Off game engine when going to play matches, and the statistic heavy fledgling Championship Manager series, this was a game I was very much looking forward to. The thing is though, once you get used to a certain style of game, unless one comes along and plays in a way that makes you feel comfortable you tend to feel quite coldly towards other games of that genre. USM is most definitely in that bracket and left me completely unhooked and longing for something else. Its just too laden down with statistics, so you feel the football side is just a small part of it. It does appear to have been done very well and if you fancy being a chairman of a football club it’s probably a good game to practice on. For me though, it’s just too in depth and too stop start. Ultimate Soccer Strategist would be a better title.

VIZ – You know when someone takes a great book and turns it into a fairly underwhelming TV series or movie ? Somehow something gets lost in translation and you end up with a pretty unsatisfactory experience that has you longing for the source material. Well Viz The Game falls firmly and squarely into that hole. There is no denying the original humour of the classic comics is there, as are all the characters. It’s just a series of sub games at the end of the day though and none of them are particularly well done. The main race section is good to start with but laden with unavoidable deaths, which frustrate, and the bonus games for the main characters just consist of joystick waggling. Quite frankly this sort of game was just not up to standard for 1991.

WINGS – Ah the feel of the wind rushing through your hair, the ability to go up-diddly-up and down-diddly-down at your own pleasure. If only those pesky Germans wouldn’t keep engaging you in dogfights and having you go on strafing runs or missions to shoot down barrage balloons. Yes it’s a World War One flying simulator, but from the software house Cinemaware you know you are in for a bit of quality. It’s not your standard shooter either, with a proper storyline and diary sequences which paint the picture of the sort of hell you have entered. The flying scenes are great with quality graphics and little detail touches dotted all around (like your pilot turning his head to show you where the Germans are and the bullet holes appearing in your plane as you get shot at). The strafing scenes are done from an isometric view, and are very well done, as you gun down enemy troops and supplies whilst avoiding shooting Red Cross vans. You can play all the way through too, picking a new name of your own choice for your pilot. At the end of each pilot’s lifespan – and believe me you may find you get through a few – you will be shown a war memorial with your pilot’s names on and their service records, which is very touching. Wings is an experience and by being an arcade style game rather than a simulator is one of the best flying games ever. It’s also one of the Amiga games you must play.

X-OUT – I am no fan of shoot-em ups but X-Out isn’t a bad game to play for a few hours. It conjures up images of R-Type with it’s look and game style which is no bad thing. You can increase your ship’s weaponry with add ons galore, giving you ample firepower to dispose of the alien hordes that come at you. There are some very impressive graphics on display, with an excellent game intro. It all looks superb and plays very nicely indeed. If it does have one flaw it’s that it does take a little getting into, but once you have had a few blasts you should be OK. One of the better shooters on the Amiga and a worthy addition to your collection.

YOGI BEAR & THE GREED MONSTER – I may be scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one, but if you want a colourful, fun, quite large, occasionally difficult and pretty addictive game based on a licence you can do a lot worse than this title. It’s based on the largely forgotten Yogi’s Treasure Hunt TV series. You take Yogi through a number of levels and have to find the key to open a door to release his friends. Along the way you have to collect sweets, which you then use to throw at enemies. It’s very formulaic stuff at the end of the day and hardened gamers will probably breeze through this in no time. However, it’s definitely above average and if you like Yogi and his chums then this is for you as it is undeniably the closest thing you will get to a decent Yogi Bear game.

ZYNAPS – The classic 8-bit era shoot em up comes to the Amiga and my goodness me, did something go horribly wrong. Zynaps was a fun game back on the Spectrum and Amstrad but with the added power of the Amiga everything gets the haphazard treatment. Whilst it looks OK, the controls are far too stiff, which for a game of this genre is not good. How can you move quickly when everything is unresponsive ? The collision detection is ropier than the contents of a rope shop and before long you die another unfair and painful death which has you longing for something better. There was simply no excuse for something like this being churned out when, with a bit of thought, it could have been great. A real disappointment.

The weather in March was lovely. Now we have entered April the weather has turned for the worse. Hail, thunder and torrential rain coupled with colder than average temperatures can mean only one thing. Yes, it’s Car Boot season once again. Ah yes you can almost smell the hotdogs and burgers from the comfort of your own room. Never has there been more fun from being crammed into a tiny field at 7am on a Sunday morning than by going to a booty.

A perfect site for sore retro eyes - there be bargains to be had out there !

So here are a few tips to keep you on your guard during the next few months :

1. Always take a small bag or rucksack with you. I made this mistake many times believing that it was either too late in the season to get any bargains or there won’t be any booters around because it was holiday season. Never underestimate what might be there.
2. Park as close as you can to the car boot as is possible. Nothing hurts more than carrying round a boxed Nintendo Gamecube Donkey Konga set, as I experienced 3 years ago. You can’t always park close but if you do make a large purchase like that don’t man up and think that because you only have a few rows to go it won’t hurt. It does.
3. Get there early. I know some of these things start at stupid o’clock but even arriving an hour after the boot starts means you are likely to have missed something. These places are full of traders and specialists who will be there when Dawn cracks. If you want the best stuff, get there early.
4. Get in early. Almost the same as above. Don’t leave something to chance as in “I’ll come back later”. If it is something you want, buy it there and then. It won’t be there later.
5. Use your own judgement. If you think you are paying too much for something then say so. It’s always best to barter, after all that is what car booting is all about. In most cases the seller will have added a couple of quid to the asking price so if you knock them down they are still getting a good deal. I should take my own advice sometimes – I tend to consider the price and think if it’s fair I’ll pay it. If it’s too much I’ll walk away rather than haggle.
6. Watch out for traders. You’ll know who they are. These are the ones who have priced high and won’t move on it because then you will be eating into their profit margin. Occasionally you can get a good deal if you buy a few things but on most occasions if it is priced highly it is priced to sell and not to be knocked down.
7. Check the condition. This is particularly with disc based games. No one is going to shout at you if you want to look at the state of a disc. If they do, then they have something to hide. Always check the contents of the box too because you might not be getting what you think you are buying, but then again I have had the odd bonus find with an extra disc inside.
8. Be sensible. Nothing pisses people off more at a car boot than someone being aggressive when it comes to haggling on prices. It’ll get you short shrift and leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth. Bite your tongue if someone is being a wanker and move on, don’t get involved and start anything. It will only end in tears. Some of these places are very well marshalled and some I have been to have police officers close at hand.

There are also a couple of tips if you fancy parting with any of your collection :

1. Be realistic with your pricing. Not everyone goes to a booty with £100 in their pocket so just consider this if you think marking up your dusty PS2 with a few FIFA and WWE games at £25 is going to attract many buyers. It won’t and you’ll end up taking it back home. If you want to make that sort of profit then shove it on eBay. Go to a booty, price sensibly so you make a few quid and enjoy it.
2. Beware the trader. We’ve touched on these guys before and they will become very persistent in wanting your stuff before it goes on sale. As soon as you arrive they’ll be hovering round your car, peeking inside and asking questions. You can either do two things – give in or sit inside and wait until they have gone. They’ll want your stuff and will pay only a fraction what you want for it, and you will guarantee walking around afterwards they’ll be selling it on their stall – at a much higher price than you sold it to them. Hold your ground and be strong.
3. Be kind. If someone is trying to rip you off – and this applies to selling as well – just a few kind words and send them on their way. The last thing you want to do is get into a scrap at a booty. If they try and knock down your prices, go with it and drop if you can. If you can’t, say so and be honest. If they get all aggressive about it, just be polite. Don’t let people bully you either – after all unless you are trading or selling for charity you have your own limits set and if they don’t agree with them that is their problem.
4. Do your research. It’s always best to try a few boot fairs as a buyer and see how busy they are. Do some internet searches as well and see if you can find popular sites. The last thing you should do is join a gaming forum and ask people where good ones are. Chances are most retro gamers won’t reveal where they go for fear of an influx of buyers. There is, most definitely, a difference between standing in a field and making a decent wad and standing in a field and making 12 sales all day, believe me I had the latter happen because I didn’t do my research. A good source of information is the local free paper as there always a few adverts about upcoming and long running events

So there you go. This is not a definitive list by any standards, nor should it be taken as gospel. This is simply me passing on my experiences to you. The best advice of all, buying or selling, is to simply go and have a good day and pick up some great bargains or make a few quid.

Now get out there and grab a bargain before they are all gone.....or I get there first

What can be done to prevent the fire sale that sparked the collapse of the GAME group ?

So what has GAME got to do going forward. From the suggestion box these spurt forth like a spurting thing :

• Shutting so many stores was necessary to reduce costs. You cannot continue having 2-3 shops of the same name within yards of each other competing and chasing the same quid. Hopefully now the lesson has been learnt and they should focus on 1 store maximum in any town centre.
• The pricing policy needs looking at immediately. One of the big criticisms of GAME stores was the huge variance in some of the pricing, especially with the second hand stock. Having preowned games on sale for more than brand new copies smacks of laziness. They also need to look hard at the quantities of preowned games they take in, rather than simply take games for the sake of it
• Perhaps the biggest suggestion of all is this : learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is given a second chance like this. Screw it up this time and it really will be GAME over.
• Assess the competition. The pricing strategies of HMV should be lesson enough to ensure that you don’t follow their path. CEX specialise in mainly second hand stuff. The supermarkets will always have the power to offer better deals but most gamers would rather go to a game specialist. Set out your own stall and be unique, but not unique enough to alienate customers.
• Finally there will be many who would have happily seen GAME go to the wall. The suppliers pulling out before administration was viewed in some quarters as “turnabout being fair play” Mend those bridges and be less like the old GAME.

What do I know ? Well not much but I do know we still have a specialist game retailer on the high street who Mum and Dad and Nan can go to on birthdays and Christmas and get the Call of Duty game you wanted rather than the Call of Juarez game you had never heard of.

Its happened to us all which is why we need specialist stores around to prevent it from happening

Embrace change and take the second chance. From the ashes a phoenix can rise but it is entirely within your own destiny. Screw it up this time and no tears will be shed.

NOTE : Since I wrote this article back on 2^nd April, it has been well documented on various forums that GAME have not learnt a thing. Game prices for pre-owned items are back up to ludicrous levels, so much so that you can buy brand new copies at other stores for anything up to £10 less than GAME are selling second hand.

People are now trading back to GAME all the titles they got in the “spring clean / fire sale” a few weeks ago. Gamers are boasting how they have been able to make £30+ in some cases by trading back to GAME what they previously tried to get rid of.

Finally, probably the worst example has been items being put on the shelves with damaged boxes or missing instructions – what would be classed as seconds – and put on sale for quick removal. One store was reported selling these games at higher prices than the pre-owned stock they already had.

Perhaps, after all this, they do deserve to go to the wall after all…………..

Oh no, not again......

As birthdays come and go, every now and then one of them is a milestone. Be it 16, 18, 21, the dreaded 40 and the even more dreaded 65 – only one stands above them all. That is the Big One and RetroBear joins in the centenary celebrations of Retro Gamer Magazine…..

Happy 100 Retro Gamer !

Usually I shun birthdays as I have no wish to be reminded just how old I am getting and how young I actually used to be. However there is one birthday I shall be raising a crafty glass to this week and that is the milestone reached by Retro Gamer magazine – it’s sparkling, glittering 100^th issue. 8 long years in the making and the publication is still going from strength to strength, packing loads of pages with lots of articles about the games from the past.

When it started in 2004 there would have been much trepidation as to how successful a magazine could be, especially with the subject matter being in the past. There must have been a demand for it, but given how collectable retro gaming has become in the last 2-3 years there can be no doubt that as us gamers who remember all the old games get older we wish to be reminded of just how much fun computer games were back in the day.

The very first issue of Retro Gamer - which is being reprinted and available as a free gift with Issue 100

So how can a modern publication, now published monthly as opposed to quarterly and surviving the collapse of their original publisher in 2005, find articles to fill their pages with. Well it’s quite simple really. There is a news section, a calendar featuring key dates in gaming history, a look back at 2 months in retro history, game reviews, players guides, arcade reviews for those gamers who restore old cabinets. There are also future classics featuring games which will be retro in the future, the compulsory letters page, interviews with programmers, games designers and retro gaming figureheads and reviews of new games, as well as retro reissues.

If you throw all that together, as well as a series of articles looking in depth at how retro consoles came about, you get an idea of the wealth of information that is out there. Many of those previously in the computer and video game industry have stepped forward to be interviewed and talk about their experiences back in the day. The sheer passion they still have comes out in interviews and articles. They must be surprised as anyone at just how their comments and insights are lapped up by gamers, both old and new.

I have been a subscriber for nearly 3 years after picking up my first issue back in the summer of 2008. While I haven’t necessarily been interested in all of the articles and can certainly claim to have gone back and read some of the ones I skipped just because I wanted something to read, a huge proportion of the magazine is of great interest to me and a fabulous read. In the day and age of blogs and websites such as these, one must bow down and accept that Retro Gamer magazine is the bible for gamers from all works of life.

Issue 53 - ah yes the delights of Track and Field, or as it is more commonly know, Sore Wrists and Broken Joysticks

For someone brought up on the likes of Zzap64, C&VG and Amiga Format, Retro Gamer has been the first publication for a very long time I have wanted to read again and again and again.

Gentlemen, RetroSection proudly salutes you and toasts you to 100 more fabulous issues.

Here;s to another 100 !

The best way to deal with writer’s block – which, as some of you may have noticed, is why there hasn’t been an update for a week – is to get some sort of list going that will stimulate the writing juices. It’s either that or finally give in and play some well known games for a change as opposed to the obscure ones. Argh No! So join me now as we go through the Retro Alphabet with as many glaring omissions as there are inclusions, I am sure :

Says it all really....

A IS FOR:

ARKANOID : Breakout update from the 1980’s. Not simply bat and ball, as collecting power ups will allow you to have an extra ball on screen or develop lasers. Set in space this is a worthy update to an arcade classic, and also spawned a sequel

ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD : The player of some of the worst games known to man is a worthy entry in the Retro Alphabet. If you can get beyond some of the more tasteless gags, swearing and use of bodily functions, James Rolfe has done a lot for bringing video games reviewing, albeit angrily, into the new millennium. He’s even making a film about the Nerd.

ATARI : Once great, video games giant that introduced the world to the wooden wonder of the 2600. Did Atari single handedly bring about the Games Crash of 1983, or were they merely one of the casualties ? How time treats them is another matter but they were never quite the same again, as neither the colour handheld Lynx or the hard to program for Jaguar made any impression on gamers in the 1990’s. More likely now remembered for arcade classics like Star Wars and STUN Runner.

B IS FOR :

BANJO : The musical bear from the Banjo games from Rare for the N64 in the late 1990’s. Always accompanied by a bird in a rucksack and attempting to defeat the evil witch, Gruntilda Winkybunion (Grunty to her friends), the Banjo games were raved over back in the day. They still provide an excellent challenge and with Rare’s usual high quality graphics, sounds and gameplay these games have turned into classics. However Banjo’s comeback on the Xbox 360 last year was not quite as well received.

BABIES : You might be surprised to see this entry but there are at least 4 Babies that spring to mind : Baby Mario and Baby Luigi (perhaps Nintendo were running out of ideas of how to milk more money from gamers – and this was before WaLuigi), the giant baby in Zombies Ate My Neighbours (if there is one thing that is scary it’s a giant baby) and Jack The Nipper (who terrorised 8 bit owners back in the 1980’s).

BACK TO THE FUTURE : You’d have thought a great film franchise would spawn great games, but that’s where you would be wrong. The first film saw an atrocious NES version that had nothing to do with the film and whilst the C64/Spectrum/Amstrad game went for a different approach, getting George McFly to spend as much time as possible with Lorraine, they couldn’t pull it off. The second film saw yet another hopeless attempt on the 8 bit and 16 bit computers, splitting the game into sub games that, although relevant to the film, suffered from poor controls. For NES owners both the second and third films were lumped into the same game which again bore little resemblance to the original films. The final part of the trilogy was another sub game bonanza for home micros and the Mega Drive – some good, the shooting range, and some bad, the opening level which is about as hard and unfair as first levels get. Definitely a missed opportunity all round.

C IS FOR :

CAPCOM – Legendary Japanese game developer and publisher responsible for the following retro gaming greats : Devil May Cry, Ghosts N Goblins, Ghouls N Ghosts, Street Fighter, Mega Man, Bionic Commando, Final Fight and Resident Evil amongst others. You don’t need to say any more about them than that.

CENTIPEDE : 1980 arcade game that did for small insects what Space Invaders did for green men from outer space. Gun down the centipede as it moves it’s way through the garden. It moves incredibly quickly and you’ll have to be quick to keep up. Shooting it in the wrong place means it will split into two, making this one fast and furious shooter. One of the best vertical shooters of it’s kind and an undisputed classic to this day.

D IS FOR :

DOOM : It’s probably fair to say that the rise of games like Doom and Castle Wolfenstein led us to the current blitz of first person shooters that dominate the market to this day. Looking back now, these original games look incredibly dated, what with their blocky graphics, duff sound and a lack of impact they had back in the day. That doesn’t mean that Doom is any less playable – because it still is. This is probably the best of the 3 games that was released in the series and quite a challenge, but just don’t expect to be blown away like we were in the 1990’s.

E IS FOR :

EDDIE EDWARDS SUPER SKI : A British sporting hero of the 1980’s, if only for his lack of ability. Clearly a case of licensing gone to someone’s head. It’s debatable whether the developers had a skiing game ready to go and just need someone to front it. As skiing games go, it’s not bad but then there isn’t really that much to compare it with. Certainly one of the more curious games one has come across.

ELITE SYSTEMS : Games developer of the 1980’s where they had most of their success. They were responsible for converting a lot of arcade greats back in the day, some of which were better than others ; Buggy Boy, Bomb Jack, Commando, Ghosts N Goblins, Ikari Warriors, Paperboy and Space Harrier. They have also dabbled in the ever growing mobile games market in recent years. It is always good to see a name from the past taking on the technology of today.

END : After battling through many levels, suffering many heartaches and needless deaths along the way, my mate Jim finally completed Shinobi on the Master System which to this day he states is the hardest game he has ever played. After finally finishing the game he was greeted with the following message on screen – GAME OVER. Then the game reset itself. Needless to say he wasn’t a happy chappy, thus this must be a candidate for the world’s worst game ending ????

Coming next – F to I…….

Better late than never, RetroBear takes you on a journey by train to “That London” as he attends the first ever London Gaming Convention and has a thoroughly enjoyable time of it….

You may recall towards the end of November I mentioned I had been invited to the first London Gaming Convention not far from Arsenal Football Club. Well the good news is I did manage to attend. The bad news is it took me so long to write an article about it. However I can report that, despite a few teething problems, and those I can’t really comment on as I did not take take part, I found the whole thing to be really rather good.

It was held at the London Metropole University Rocket bar, which seemed to be a rather small venue for what this will hopefully branch out and become. There were various areas where you could go and experience gaming – a modern area for PS3, 360 and Wii fanatics, a LAN area for all the PC gamers, if 10 man Bomberman on the Sega Saturn was your thing then you could join in with that too, and finally a rather well stocked Retro area with more CRT TV’s than I have seen in a long time.

The well stocked retro area

Upstairs, there was a big stage where invited guests such as Guru Larry, Ashens and BrentalFloss all appeared, doing some Q&A sessions for the gathered masses. Elsewhere more modern gaming areas could be found and alongside that, an all out Super Smash Bros Brawl area with again up to 10 players at a time involved. It was also good to see a smattering of traders at the event, though one had to be careful with the wallet as the retro stuff was priced highly but all in rather good nick.

A smattering of traders meant those who brought enough cash with them could leave with a bagful of goodies

The event also ran alongside their usual Anime convention, with the games part being used for the first time. Whilst there is a certain amount of crossover between the two this was definitely more games orientated and the upcoming event in February 2012 plans to focus more heavily on Anime. All in all there was plenty to do and see and have a go on. I managed to revisit my love affair with Point Blank on the PS1 and, whilst some of the retro stuff broke down, there was still plenty of choice to sit down and sample.

The Q&A and audience participation stuff was good fun, but was marred by a lot of technical issues

The only criticism of the event which has been prominent is the organisation. A lot of events were cancelled or pulled at the last minute and upon arriving at the start time of 11am it was at least a further hour before the event managed to kick off. I spent a rather long hour waiting for everything to start while people ran round looking for cables. The bar was well stocked and very busy, and whilst the food on site looked and smelled great I think more thought needs to be given to the catering. There was very little to choose from and a long queue, so unfortunately like many others I preferred to wonder 250 yards down the road to McDonalds instead.

It was a long hour but at least the company was good

So all in all, with any new event starting up there are going to be a few teething issues and so this was not a bad event to go and see. The next event is planned for (to confirm) and if you are in the area it is definitely worth a look. I would once again like to extend my thanks to the team for their kind offer of an invitation and look forward to seeing them again soon. Meanwhile have a look at the images below for some of the goodies that were on general public play !

Atari Jaguar running Tempest 2000

More CRT TV's than you can throw sticks at - remember retro looks a lot better on one of these

You can't have a retro event without Sonic

The small arcade cabinet had literally hundreds of classic arcade games loaded in and was incredibly busy

Retrosection will be in attendance and we hope to have some reviews and pictures of just what went on and what you will miss out on if you don’t go ! So check out the website below and all the details and RetroBear hopes to see you there !

London Gaming Con is fast approaching this 3-4 December. Make sure to Register Now for the event which will bring Gamers together! It will be a 1,000 person-event by fans for fans at the Rocket Complex on Holloway Road, taking place from 11am in the morning right through to well past midnight. Remember, you must be over the age of 18 by 3rd December to attend.

If you register and pay now then you can get Saturday for just £8 and Sunday for just £6. (On the day entry without pre-paying is £10 per day).

Register Here – View Travel Info Here – Full Website Here

Well the good stuff didn’t last as RetroBear plays one of the biggest steaming piles of cow dung ever released on the Super Nintendo. The question is why did anyone really both trying to convert a game so shallow as this ?

Well the box looks nice I suppose, but its all downhill when you open it

Do you remember laser discs ? Now that is a fair slice of retro history right there. This was meant to be the technology that revolutionised how we watched movies in our own home, with the chance to have almost cinema quality picture and full channel stereo sound blasting us out of our armchairs. Those in the know say that this was a technology that should have succeeded if only for one small, tiny problem : the laser disc players were the most unreliable piece of machinery that was ever produced.

No bother that you could have the most incredible version of Star Wars or Jurassic Park thundering out of your TV. If your player was throwing a wobbler there was no chance of getting anything out of it. All too soon laser discs lost out to the already established VHS market and, before they had a chance to improve, the DVD came along and did what laser discs should have done in the first place. Gamers though also had their own slice of good fortune when Don Bluth, and ex-Disney studio animator, and his Bluth Studios decided to not only make an arcade game with high quality cartoon graphics but also stick it on laser disc.

Sadly these machines were as unreliable as their home counterparts. Too often machines broke down awaiting repair and at the time charging you £1.00 a go when the average game would give you 3 credits for 50p was extortionate. The games produced, Dragons Lair : Escape From Singe’s Castle, Dragons Lair 2 : Timewarp and Space Ace, were some of the most simple ever made. All you had to do was move the joystick or press the fire button at the right time to move to the next screen. Basically you were playing a cartoon with interaction, and limited interaction at that. You couldn’t fault how the games looked and sounded, but as playing experience it was like being hit with a wet lettuce over again and having someone nick a quid from your pocket for the privilege.

Whilst it all looks very nice it cannot compare to the arcade original in any way shape or form

Some bright spark thought it would be fun to secure the rights to the home conversions and try and make some money. When the third game in the series, Space Ace, was released it had a whopping 9 discs for the 16 bit versions. How on earth could you fit all the tech into one small tape ? Well you couldn’t and anyone expecting a similar experience to the arcade game was living in cloud cuckoo land. Finally, Escape From Singes Castle arrived on the SNES and what a disaster it was.

Rather than make any attempt to recreate the arcade game, the SNES version like the NES one was turned into a side scrolling platform game (The Angry Video Game Nerd has done a pretty scathing review of the NES version). Whilst there is no doubt the game has some nice colourful graphics the fun ends there, when you realise the whole game moves like a slug in treacle with a brick tied to its back. The controls are amongst some of the most unresponsive I have ever experienced, switching from incredibly twitchy to sluggish to just damned unresponsive with each flick of the joypad.

You don’t get any joy from this game at all. It might have been prudent to try and do a straight conversion with the obvious graphical limitations, but when the original has little or no game play in the first place, it makes you wonder why this wasn’t left in the dust covered memories of the past. You might give some small applause for the effort but when platform games are ten-a-penny and as bad as this it really doesn’t bear thinking about. You can now play both Escape From Singes Castle and Dragons Lair 2 via your PS3 should you wish to download them. It must be added that after all these years it’s a straight conversion and as such all you have to do is move the pad or press the button at the right time. Yawn. That’s now like being hit in the face with a case of wet lettuces whilst someone takes £8.00 from your pocket. No thank you.

It is hard to tell whether the game is moving or whether it is a trick of the eye

Dragons Lair at least holds a place in games history for trying to do something technologically advanced. Unfortunately either someone was very greedy or someone simply didn’t think it through properly. Make up your own minds, I’m off to play Asteroids instead.

VERDICT : Hopeless controls and a game speed to rival the 100m final of the snail olympics, this is not recommended at all unless you are a fan of masochism.

NOTES : For those of you who don’t wish to heed my advice you can buy a copy for £2.39 on Amazon whilst you’ll have to pay an insane £4.00 for a loose cart version on eBay.

UP NEXT : Horror of horrors – Footballer Of The Year on the Commodore C16+4

The Retro Bear looks back at the second stage of his retrohood, including those all important first encounters with Mario Kart and Street Fighter II without the aid of rose tinted spectacles….

Originally Posted to GameFancier.com on October 12th 2010

Lame gamesplayers need not apply

My knowledge of game consoles was rather poor when I was younger and just discovering games. Spoiled with the Amiga 500 you came to believe that anything on that machine was arcade perfect, and you sneered at the mention of anything to do with Sega and Nintendo. How wrong we all were – by the mid 90′s home computing, as it was known, was restricted to slow running PC games (and most of those games were flight simulators, ideal if you fancied a career as a pilot) and consoles such as the Mega Drive and Super Nintendo were the must haves.

My mate Jim got me interested in the console side of things. He originally had a Master System and raved about the delights of Psycho Fox and Shinobi, all titles that were not available on the home computers. I even made him an offer to buy the console and games off him for £10 a week, but he was unsurprisingly dismissive of the proposal. He then upgraded to a Mega Drive and was the only person I knew (and still know) to have a Mega CD.

Providing you didn't try and bend the CD in half, this was an awesome shooter

Jim also suffered from Game Rage (see my previous column), involving him punching and bending a vast variety of cartridges and CD’s. Silpheed on the Mega CD was badly bent in half but still worked surprisingly. It was a good test of a game’s playability if it passed the Jim Rage Test. Street Fighter II also suffered, with one punch forcing a large crack down the side of the SNES cartridge. He also paid £65.00 for that when it came out. When I purchased a loose cartridge of the same game last year he was put off by the £40.00 price tag I tried to sell it to him at, having only paid £2.00 myself for it.

Andy still plugged away on his C64 while our other mate Neil invested in a Super Nintendo, and shortly after Jim followed suit. We spent many many hours round in Neil’s bedroom, playing a vast array of titles such as UN Squadron, Super Star Wars and the previously mentioned Street Fighter II. We also played Super Mario Kart, and there I developed my long term hatred for the game. It also went to show just how lucky Neil was at gaming, a trait I understand he still has today, and many the night was ended with Jim storming home after another fluke red shell knocked him off the track.

Neil eventually invested in an N64 when they were released and we spent time between his house and another mate, Mark. Mark loved games like Zelda and Mario 64, but it was here we discovered Goldeneye and Mario Kart 64 and the

The expressions on the guards faces says it all really. Bond Rules.

joys of multi player gaming. In fact I don’t think we played any game more in multi player mode than Goldeneye. Of course, I wasn’t much kop at any of them and would rather than stayed at home than endure another round of Mario Kart Battle Mode. Neil would also never tell you the instructions or controls before you started, which didn’t help.

Andy, and then I, decided to go more upmarket than cartridge based machines, and thus we both purchased a PlayStation 1. I remember Christmas Day night one year, round Neil’s, playing Crash Team Racing and marvelling at it’s superiority to Mario Kart (well I would wouldn’t I ? I didn’t tell Neil the controls either). And then almost as soon as it began all, those years ago, our big nights in were swapped for big nights out and gaming took a back seat to be dipped into now and again.

As far as I know, Andy upgraded to a PS2 and then PS3 and where he now happily resides in Australia. Jim – well Jim didn’t get any new consoles after his N64, though he assures me his whole collection is in his parent’s garage, locked away safely. In the original boxes. It’s worth a few quid I keep telling him but, like me, he’s happy to horde it. Neil meanwhile has both a Wii and PS3, though I am unsure of his reasoning (well two young children is a good one). He told me a few weeks ago he purchased God Of War on the PS3. When I asked why, he simply replied “I don’t know”. More money than sense that one.

Jim and I always used to enjoy a good blast in the arcades – speciality House Of The Dead or Jurassic Park : The Lost World. We weren’t very good but we always loved

Daytona Deluxe

the trips to Blackpool to seek these out. Mark became a specialist on Time Crisis and Star Wars (the newer version by Sega where you have lightsaber battles with Darth Vader and Boba Fett). We always loved a good 4 player bash at Sega Rally or Daytona if we could find a 4 linkable set up. Finally I’ll never forget the 4 player horse racing game we found in Blackpool one year, where you had to sit on plastic horses and move the heads back and forth to simulate riding one. It sounds erotically sick, but I have never ever been so knackered after playing a game in my life.

As mentioned, even now, gaming isn’t too far away from our everyday lives, but I am the only one with a retro passsion. That may be more down to me missing out when I was younger, and that I prefer games from the past as opposed to newer titles. Sure I can appreciate their aesthetic qualities and how technology has advanced since Pong, but to me you’ll never beat the cuteness of New Zealand Story, the will to win on Kick Off 2 and the downright brown trouser-ness of the original Doom. To me that’s gaming.

So there you are – a brief history of me, a few mates and the games we played when we were young. Till the next time – If it ain’t retro , then it ain’t gaming.